Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 07-22-2015, 10:32 AM   #781
Veteran Member
 
City: Baltimore Md
Country: usa
Vessel Name: Graceful
Vessel Model: Marine Trader
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 83
A few days after Christmas, A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train set in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son yell 'All you sons of b*tches who want to get off, get the hell off now, because this is the last stop! All of you sons of b*tches that are getting on, get your asses in the train cause were leaving'. The mother went in and told her son, 'we don't use that kind of language in this house.' Now I want you to go into your room for two hours. When you come out, you can play with your train, but I don't want to hear any bad language.

Two hours later, the son comes out of his room and continues playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard the son say, 'All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your ride was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon. For those of you who are just boarding the train, we ask that you stow all of your hand luggage under the seat, remember there is no smoking except on the club car. We hope you have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today'.

'For those of you who are pissed off with the two hour delay , please see the b*tch in the kitchen.'
__________________
Advertisement

gonesailing13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-24-2015, 09:44 PM   #782
Guru
 
janice142's Avatar
 
City: St. Pete, FL
Country: USofA
Vessel Name: Seaweed
Vessel Model: Schucker mini-trawler
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 825
Send a message via AIM to janice142 Send a message via MSN to janice142 Send a message via Yahoo to janice142 Send a message via Skype™ to janice142
Click image for larger version

Name:	Engineering Flowchart.jpg
Views:	144
Size:	13.9 KB
ID:	42440
__________________

__________________
Janice aboard Seaweed, living the good life afloat...
http://janice142.com
janice142 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-27-2015, 11:42 AM   #783
Curmudgeon
 
BaltimoreLurker's Avatar
 
City: Stoney Creek, MD
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Moon Dance
Vessel Model: 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,540
Does this go in the "What are you drinking" thread?
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	vCFsAE9.jpg
Views:	118
Size:	75.2 KB
ID:	42554  
BaltimoreLurker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2015, 06:40 PM   #784
GFC
Guru
 
GFC's Avatar
 
City: Tri Cities, WA
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Beachcomber
Vessel Model: Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,179
Non Sequitur for August 2.


Non Sequitur Comic Strip on GoComics.com
__________________
Mike and Tina
Beachcomber 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
GFC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2015, 09:10 PM   #785
Guru
 
O C Diver's Avatar
 
City: Fort Myers, FL... Summers in Crisfield, MD
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Slow Hand
Vessel Model: Cherubini Independence 45
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,500
The Geography of a Woman:

Between 18 and 22, a woman is like Africa. Half discovered, half wild, fertile and naturally Beautiful!

Between 23 and 30, a woman is like Europe. Well developed and open to trade, especially for someone of real value.

Between 31 and 35, a woman is like Spain. Very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40, a woman is like Greece. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50, a woman is like Great Britain, with a glorious and all conquering past.

Between 51 and 60, a woman is like Israel. Has been through war, doesn't make the same mistakes twice, takes care of business.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Canada. Self-preserving, but open to meeting new people.

After 70, she becomes Tibet. Wildly beautiful, with a mysterious past and the wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a thirst for spiritual knowledge.


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN:

Between 1 and 100, a man is like North Korea and Zimbabwe; ruled by a pair of nuts.

THE END.Ted
__________________
I'm tired of fast moves, I've got a slow groove, on my mind.....
I want to spend some time, Not come and go in a heated rush.....
"Slow Hand" by The Pointer Sisters
O C Diver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2015, 10:19 PM   #786
GFC
Guru
 
GFC's Avatar
 
City: Tri Cities, WA
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Beachcomber
Vessel Model: Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,179
There are only three kinds of people in the world..,.


Those who are good at math and those who aren't.
__________________
Mike and Tina
Beachcomber 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
GFC is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-09-2015, 10:23 PM   #787
Guru
 
Forkliftt's Avatar
 
City: Biloxi Mississippi
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Patricia Louise II
Vessel Model: 1983 42' Present Sundeck
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,430
Spot on Ted!
My exmtherinlaw never missed an opportunity to proudly proclaim that the female persuasion controlled 1/2 the money in the world, and 100% of something else...


1983 Present 42 Sundeck
Twin Lehman 135's
✌️
__________________
Steve Point Cadet/ Biloxi, Mississippi USA
*Present 42 twin 135 Lehmans
Forkliftt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-10-2015, 01:49 PM   #788
Senior Member
 
MrJim's Avatar
 
City: Panama City
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Irish Miss
Vessel Model: Mainship 30 Pilot Rum Runner Classic
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 170
A young ventriloquist is touring Sweden and, one night, he's doing a show in a small fishing town. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his customary dumb-blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the fourth row stands on her chair and starts shouting, "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype Swedish blonde women that way? What does the color of a woman's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's men like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as people. It's people like you that make others think that all blondes are dumb! You and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only Blondes, but women in general . . . pathetically, all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde shouts . . .

"You stay out of this! I'm talking to that little shit on your lap!"
MrJim is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-11-2015, 10:34 PM   #789
TF Site Team
 
dimer2's Avatar
 
City: Houston
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Baobab
Vessel Model: Bayliner 4788
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,715
A car full of Irish Nuns is sitting at a traffic light when a bunch of rowdy drunks pulls up alongside of them.
"Hey, show us your tits, yer bloody penguins!" shouts one of the drunks.
Quite shocked, Mother Superior turns to Sister Immaculate, "I don't think
they know who we are, show them your cross."
Sister Immaculate rolls down her window and shouts,


"Piss off yer drunken misbegotten bastard sons of tinted dried upgrandmotherly whores before I come over there, tear youse each a new *******
and then bite yer poxy balls off!"
Sister Immaculate looks back at Mother Superior, quite innocently, and asks,
"Was that cross enough?"
__________________
You never really learn to swear until you become a boat owner!
dimer2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 03:42 AM   #790
Moderator Emeritus
 
BruceK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 5,981
Dimer2`s tale reminds me of this old one.
Separate Catholic and Protestant Boys schools are located adjacent. The Protestant school toilets are not working, in true ecumenical spirit the Protestant boys are invited to use the Catholic school toilets. All goes well at first, then there are reports of a loud disturbance in the toilets, the boys are competing to see who can pee furthest up the wall, and worse still, the Protestant boys are hitting higher up the wall. Sister Immaculata is directed to attend the toilets and restore order. On her return to the staff room Mother superior asks how she dealt with it, Sister Immaculata responds "It required some effort, I had to hit the roof to restore order". "Well done Sister" says Mother Superior, "we can`t have those Protestant boys outdoing the Catholics".
[Think I`ll log out now before the lightning strike]
__________________
BruceK
Island Gypsy 36 Europa "Doriana"
Sydney Australia
BruceK is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 12:48 PM   #791
TF Site Team
 
dimer2's Avatar
 
City: Houston
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Baobab
Vessel Model: Bayliner 4788
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,715
It's OK Bruce....apparently he's a guy just like the rest of us.
Attached Thumbnails
Click image for larger version

Name:	untitled.jpg
Views:	154
Size:	35.2 KB
ID:	43150  
__________________
You never really learn to swear until you become a boat owner!
dimer2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 01:09 PM   #792
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,449
Quote:
Originally Posted by dimer2 View Post
It's OK Bruce....apparently he's a guy just like the rest of us.
Wifey B: If he was a real gentleman, he'd adjust her coveralls for her. Obviously has moved off center. Right now there's one in and one out. Clearly not the way designed. Might take some work adjusting. Clearly he sees something askew and isn't fixing it.
BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 02:22 PM   #793
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Country: USA
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,576
Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
Wifey B: If he was a real gentleman, he'd adjust her coveralls for her. Obviously has moved off center. Right now there's one in and one out. Clearly not the way designed. Might take some work adjusting. Clearly he sees something askew and isn't fixing it.
Look Closely... He IS! ...

Ya think those might be his right hand fingertips on her left strap?? - LOL

He might be trying to take care of her current BIG Breast misalignment problem all by himself; but, then again, could he be maken it even more pronounced - i.e. creating it??

Maybe he just did not want to bother her with the undue stress resulting from need for self realignment.

Fatherly concern; definably in his facial expression. Good Daddy, Good Daddy!

U Go Popeie

Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 02:30 PM   #794
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,449
Quote:
Originally Posted by Art View Post
Look Closely... He IS! ...

Ya think those might be his right hand fingertips on her left strap?? - LOL

He might be trying to take care of her current BIG Breast misalignment problem all by himself; but, then again, could he be maken it even more pronounced - i.e. creating it??

Maybe he just did not want to bother her with the undue stress resulting from need for self realignment.

Fatherly concern; definably in his facial expression. Good Daddy, Good Daddy!

U Go Popeie
Wifey B: You're right...looks more like he created the misalignment by pulling the left strap to the side so he could perhaps get a better view. Dirty old man....
BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2015, 02:32 PM   #795
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Country: USA
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,576
Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
Wifey B: You're right...looks more like he created the misalignment by pulling the left strap to the side so he could perhaps get a better view. Dirty old man....
Good Daddy, Good Daddy!
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-21-2015, 03:39 PM   #796
Curmudgeon
 
BaltimoreLurker's Avatar
 
City: Stoney Creek, MD
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Moon Dance
Vessel Model: 1974 34' Marine Trader Sedan
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 2,540
Just Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? -

DONALD TRUMP: All Mexican chickens who wish to cross this road must submit to a complete background check, and full body search.

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

JOHN McCain: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it. It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL: Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken was gay. If you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the Liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases.like ‘the other side’ It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released e-Chicken 2015, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of e-Chicken 2015. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?
BaltimoreLurker is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-23-2015, 06:56 AM   #797
Guru
 
Rustybarge's Avatar
 
City: I need a bigger boat!
Country: Ireland
Vessel Model: Cheetah 25' Powercat.
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 874
Lovely punch line, wasn't expecting that !.lol.
__________________
Peter.
Rustybarge is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2015, 02:46 AM   #798
Guru
 
janice142's Avatar
 
City: St. Pete, FL
Country: USofA
Vessel Name: Seaweed
Vessel Model: Schucker mini-trawler
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 825
Send a message via AIM to janice142 Send a message via MSN to janice142 Send a message via Yahoo to janice142 Send a message via Skype™ to janice142
Click image for larger version

Name:	Chicken.jpg
Views:	93
Size:	56.2 KB
ID:	43493

and

Name:  Grilled-Chicken.jpg
Views: 287
Size:  35.8 KB
__________________
Janice aboard Seaweed, living the good life afloat...
http://janice142.com
janice142 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2015, 05:42 PM   #799
TF Site Team
 
FlyWright's Avatar
 
City: California Delta and SF Bay
Country: Sacramento, CA, USA (boat in Vallejo)
Vessel Name: FlyWright
Vessel Model: Marshall Californian 34 LRC
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 8,614
Good timing, Janice. I'm thawing some yardbird for dinner tonight.
__________________
Al

Custom Google Trawler Forum Search
FlyWright is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2015, 09:49 AM   #800
Guru
 
Moonstruck's Avatar
 
City: Hailing Port: Charleston, SC
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Moonstruck
Vessel Model: Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7,366
Poll: Are there too many illegal immigrants in the United States?


Yes 22%

No 17%

No Comprende 61%
__________________

__________________
Don on Moonstruck
Sabre 42 Hardtop Express & Blackfin 25 CC
When cruising life is simpler, but on a grander scale (author unknown)
http://moonstruckblog.wordpress.com/
Moonstruck is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Nautical Humor skipperdude Off Topic Forum 0 05-19-2011 01:37 PM




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 07:18 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012