Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 07-22-2014, 07:24 AM   #501
Guru
 
LaBomba's Avatar
 
City: Beaverton, Ontario
Country: Canada
Vessel Name: Airswift
Vessel Model: Ontario Yachts Great Lakes 33
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 680
New definition for S.O.S., I think this relates to trawlers............

A C-130 was lumbering along when a cocky F-
16 flashed by.
The jet jockey decided to show off.
The fighter jock told the C-130 pilot, 'watch
this!' and promptly went into a barrel roll
followed by a steep climb.
He then finished with a sonic boom as he
broke the sound barrier.
The F-16 pilot asked the C-130 pilot what he
thought of that?
The C-130 pilot said, 'That was impressive, but
watch this!'
The C-130 droned along for about 5 minutes
and then the C-130 pilot came back on and
said:
'What did you think of that?'
Puzzled, the F-16 pilot asked, 'What the heck
did you do?'
The C-130 pilot chuckled.
'I stood up, stretched my legs, walked to the
back, took a leak, then got a cup of coffee and
a cinnamon roll.'
When you are young & foolish - speed & flash
may seem a good thing!
When you get older & smarter -
comfort & dull is not such a bad
thing!
Us older folks understand this
one, it's called

S.O.S.

Slower, Older and Smarter....
__________________
Advertisement

__________________
Allan & Ann
Airswift
If your floatin' your boatin'!!!
LaBomba is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-03-2014, 02:05 AM   #502
Guru
 
N4712's Avatar
 
City: South FL
Country: U.S.A
Vessel Name: Oliver
Vessel Model: Nordhavn 47 Hull# 12
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 3,601
Click image for larger version

Name:	ImageUploadedByTrawler Forum1407045915.122817.jpg
Views:	105
Size:	166.3 KB
ID:	31748
__________________

__________________
Thanks, Oliver
M/V Oliver
Nordhavn 47 Hull #12
N4712 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-04-2014, 09:33 AM   #503
Guru
 
City: Georgia
Country: USA
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 952
He said to me . ... . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
I said to him .... . . You wear pants don't you?

He said to me ... . ......... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
I said .. That's a good idea - you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing but fart

He said to me. ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
I said to him . ..... Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me. ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
I said to him ... . They don't have time.

He said to me. . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
I said to him .. .. I don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said...What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said. . .. A widow.

He said to me.... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him .. . .. Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2014, 08:51 AM   #504
Guru
 
Moonstruck's Avatar
 
City: Hailing Port: Charleston, SC
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Moonstruck
Vessel Model: Sabre 42 Hardtop Express
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 7,367
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A "DOG PERSON" TO TRULY APPRECIATE THIS STORY

Stay!


I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,


"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
__________________
Don on Moonstruck
Sabre 42 Hardtop Express & Blackfin 25 CC
When cruising life is simpler, but on a grander scale (author unknown)
http://moonstruckblog.wordpress.com/
Moonstruck is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2014, 08:55 AM   #505
Art
Guru
 
Art's Avatar
 
City: SF Bay Area
Country: USA
Vessel Model: Tollycraft 34' Tri Cabin
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 6,578
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonstruck View Post
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE A "DOG PERSON" TO TRULY APPRECIATE THIS STORY

Stay!


I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping center and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.

She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.
I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,

"Now you stay. Do you hear me?"

"Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said,


"Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
Yo, Don - What special breed Lab - and - where can I get a dog with a "Park" option???
Art is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-22-2014, 06:29 AM   #506
FF
Guru
 
FF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,908
The European Commission have just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU, rather than German, which was the other possibility.¬ As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
FF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2014, 06:20 AM   #507
FF
Guru
 
FF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,908
Proofreading is a dying art (SGV Tribune)

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says .
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers.
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over.
Miners Refuse to Work after Death.
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant.
War Dims Hope for Peace.
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile.
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures.
Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge.
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks. .
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.
Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors.
Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead.
Police Hunt for Homosexual Ringleader Proves Fruitless.
.
FF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-24-2014, 11:24 AM   #508
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,463
Sounds like the headline writers learned from the best, Yogi Berra.

Itís like deja vu all over again.
We made too many wrong mistakes.
You can observe a lot just by watching.
A nickel ainít worth a dime anymore.
He hits from both sides of the plate. Heís amphibious
If the world was perfect, it wouldnít be.
If you donít know where youíre going, you might end up some place else.
I really didnít say everything I said.
The future ainít what it use to be.
I think Little League is wonderful. It keeps the kids out of the house.
Nobody goes there anymore because itís too crowded.
I always thought that record would stand until it was broken.
We have deep depth.
All pitchers are liars or crybabies.
When you come to a fork in the road, take it.
Always go to other peopleís funerals, otherwise they wonít come to yours.
Never answer anonymous letters.
At an awards banquet: ďThank you for making this day necessary."
The towels were so thick there I could hardly close my suitcase.
Half the lies they tell about me arenít true.

On whether streakers were men or women: "I donít know. They had bags over their heads.

It gets late early out there.
It ainít over till itís over.

If people don't want to come out to the ballpark, how are you going to stop them

I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did

It ain't the heat, it's the humility

You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.

In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is.

Baseball is ninety percent mental and the other half is physical.
I wish I had an answer to that because I'm tired of answering that question.

It was impossible to get a conversation going, everybody was talking too much.

Pair up in threes.
Even Napoleon had his Watergate.
I usually take a two-hour nap from one to four.
BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 08-25-2014, 10:02 AM   #509
Guru
 
City: Georgia
Country: USA
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 952
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages
On their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the
Husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee.
She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and
She wrote:

"If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing,
Send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you
Are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your
Tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her:
"I'm on the toilet. Please advise."


Rambler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-02-2014, 06:05 AM   #510
FF
Guru
 
FF's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 14,908


ECSTASY





As his wife moved back and forth, forward then backward, side to side, again and again, he was in ecstasy. Back and forth, in and out, a little to the right, a little to the left, the sweat forming on her forehead, between her breasts, trickling down the small of her back. She was getting near the end. He could feel his joy rising within him. Her heart was pounding, her face flushed, she moaned, she growled, she whimpered. Finally, totally exhausted,
she let out an almighty scream,
threw her arms in the air and SHOUTED…………………………







"
OMG - OK, OK, I can't parallel park! You do it, you smug bastard."


FF is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2014, 08:44 PM   #511
Guru
 
N4712's Avatar
 
City: South FL
Country: U.S.A
Vessel Name: Oliver
Vessel Model: Nordhavn 47 Hull# 12
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 3,601
Click image for larger version

Name:	ImageUploadedByTrawler Forum1409791487.648135.jpg
Views:	89
Size:	102.6 KB
ID:	32612
__________________
Thanks, Oliver
M/V Oliver
Nordhavn 47 Hull #12
N4712 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-03-2014, 09:23 PM   #512
Al
Guru
 
Al's Avatar
 
City: ketchikan, Alaska
Country: usa
Vessel Name: 'SLO'~BELLE
Vessel Model: Marben-27' Flybridge Trawler Pilothouse Pocket Cruiser[
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 1,189
Paybacks are a bitch



One December day we found an old straggly cat at our door, she was a sorry sight, starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down.



We felt sorry for her, we put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her 'Pussycat.'



The vet decided to keep her for a day or so, he said he would let us know when we could come and get her.



My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me) that wanted the dirty cat, not him.



My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my husband 'El-Cheap-O' and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.



They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another, with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.



The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is located in the same building, next door to the vet. The GP's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in, he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, 'Your wife's pussy doesn't stink any more, we washed, shaved it and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, she's pregnant, God only knows who the father is.'



Then he closed the door, the silence was deafening. Now that, my friends, is getting even.
Al is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-04-2014, 08:24 AM   #513
TF Site Team
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Country: USA
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,622
Perhaps a situation calling for Broadband radar?
Attached Images
 
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 04:43 PM   #514
TF Site Team
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Country: USA
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,622
You too can learn to converse with our TF brethren Downunder

I just completed the first two sessions of the Delhi College of Linguistics video courses on the Australian language and customs. I've already learned that some Aussies appear to be a not too distant offshoot of the American Redneck.

(Sometimes the Indian instructors were a bit difficult to understand. The last time I needed technical help with my computer, I may have attempted not very successfully to talk with one or two of them).





I can't wait to complete the course.
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 07:51 PM   #515
Hospitality Officer
 
Andy G's Avatar
 
City: Pittwater
Country: Australia
Vessel Name: Sarawana
Vessel Model: IG 36 Quad Cabin
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,429
Touchť.

Actually, it's Father's Day to day in Oz, and we are having lamb tonight.

No wonder my daughter is vegetarian, (which of course is very unAustralian)
Andy G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:03 PM   #516
TF Site Team
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Country: USA
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,622
Quote:
Originally Posted by Andy G View Post
Touchť.

Actually, it's Father's Day to day in Oz, and we are having lamb tonight.

No wonder my daughter is vegetarian, (which of course is very unAustralian)
Do you have lamb every night or do you alternate with roo? Is roo actually eaten?
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:14 PM   #517
Guru
 
City: Hotel, CA
Country: Fried
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 7,676
Quote:
Originally Posted by dwhatty View Post
Do you have lamb every night...

Careful now, this is a family friendly forum
__________________
Craig - AKA Some Clueless Idiot

The person who is saying something is impossible should not interrupt the person who is doing it.
CPseudonym is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 08:17 PM   #518
TF Site Team
 
dwhatty's Avatar
 
City: Home Port: Buck's Harbor, Maine
Country: USA
Vessel Name: "Emily Anne"
Vessel Model: 2001 Island Gypsy 32 Europa (Hull #146)
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 2,622
Quote:
Originally Posted by CPseudonym View Post
Careful now, this is a family friendly forum
__________________
David Hawkins
Deer Isle, Maine
dwhatty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-06-2014, 09:39 PM   #519
Hospitality Officer
 
Andy G's Avatar
 
City: Pittwater
Country: Australia
Vessel Name: Sarawana
Vessel Model: IG 36 Quad Cabin
Join Date: Sep 2010
Posts: 1,429
Quote:
Originally Posted by dwhatty View Post
Do you have lamb every night or do you alternate with roo? Is roo actually eaten?
No, not every night, there was a day, a Wednesday if I recall, back in 1974 or 75 when the sheep went on strike, we had mutton that night.

We don't eat much Roo, you wouldn't believe how fast they can hop, besides as Skippy is generally considered the finest actor( although some rate the pig out of Babe) we have ever produced it wouldn't be right, it would be akin to you guys eating Rin Tin Tin, or Flipper.
Andy G is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-07-2014, 12:26 AM   #520
Guru
 
Xsbank's Avatar
 
City: Duncan Cove, BC
Country: Canada
Vessel Name: Gwaii Haanas
Vessel Model: Vancouver Shipyards Custom Aluminum 52
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 1,666
Mmmmm, Flipper!
__________________

__________________
"...Tongue tied and twisted, just an earthbound misfit..."
Xsbank is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Nautical Humor skipperdude Off Topic Forum 0 05-19-2011 01:37 PM




All times are GMT -5. The time now is 02:42 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2016, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012