Funniest times going through airport security

[markpierce]

Airport-security fun?* Sounds like an oxymoron, nevertheless ...
My funniest airport security occasion was at the Charles de Gaulle Airport where we changed planes. The security guy was going through my carryon and pulled out a clear plastic bag with a bottle of talcum powder. When he opened the bag, some powder puffed out. "What is this," he asked. I said it was baby powder. He asked "is a baby accompanying you?" I said no, it is for me. He said "what a big baby!" I laughed so hard my GF at the end of the hall could hear me. (He let me through with the powder.)

 

[Steve]

I was behind an elderly Spaniard at a customs counter in Panama's airport. He was hand carrying a package of Spanish Chorizo, a very good but oily sausage, and was arriving on a flight from Spain. The customs agents told him he could not bring meat into the country. The Spaniard insisted he could, they argued, the agent called his supervisor. Finally the Spaniard blew his top, he started yelling at the agents "you just want to keep and eat these sausages, but I won't let you do it" he grabbed the sausages from the agent, he started ripping them apart and slamming them down on the counter. The customs guys were wearing white Guayabera shirts and the red sausage oil was splattering, they were jumping around trying to keep away from flying oil and sausage meat as the Spaniard kept raising hell and banging on the sausages. Finally the Spaniard's daughter who was there to meet him got in and calmed him down. She was frantic but young and nice looking and impressed the agents who let him go on his way. Lucky man, I was sure he would land in the slammer or at least be sent back to Spain. The counter was a mess so the agent waved me on through.
Steve W.

 

[skipperdude]

On a flight out of Alaska the security check noticed an anomaly.

ammunition in my Carry on.

I had a Jean jacket in the carry on and the levis tag on the front will hold a 22 round.

*Just for that last shot when you are out plinkin.*I forgot it was there. I thought they were going to strip search me. They call for a supervisor and two armed security guys.

They found the bullet and let me go.

They kept the 22 round.

SD

 

[Robin]

We were stopped going into Chicago O'Hare from the UK because they X-rayed the luggage said we had fruit packed in my wife's case. It was a dozen Terry's Chocolate Oranges for the grandkids at Easter. She was allowed to keep them..

 

[Moonstruck]

When we were in Europe we picked up some really great kitchen knives in Italy and some tulip bulbs in Munich.* I told my late wife that we probably couldn't take the bulbs home with us.* When we got to Atlanta customs found them both.* Customs said she could not keep her precious bulbs.* Everyone stopped when she said in a loud voice, "you are going to let me keep all those knives, and not the tulip bulbs."The customs agent looked at her, said "you got it lady", and threw them in the trash.* We left with her fuming.* I had to get her out of there.

In Albuquerque, NM while going through airport security, the security agents found the 2" Swiss Army knife that I had told my late wife to put in her checked baggage.* Of course, she didn't.* When the agents found it they said, "I'm sorry, but you can't take this on the plane".* She was livid.* So she went to the Delta counter and said for them to find her luggage and put the knife in.*or she was not getting on the plane.* The poor ticket agent found her checked bag and dutifully put it in.* Travelling with Anne could be an absolute hoot.* She lived on her own terms.

 

[JD]

Moonstruck wrote:In Albuquerque, NM while going through airport security, the security agents found the 2" Swiss Army knife that I had told my late wife to put in her checked baggage.* Of course, she didn't.* When the agents found it they said, "I'm sorry, but you can't take this on the plane".* She was livid.* So she went to the Delta counter and said for them to find her luggage and put the knife in.*or she was not getting on the plane.* The poor ticket agent found her checked bag and dutifully put it in.* Travelling with Anne could be an absolute hoot.* She lived on her own terms.

*The real stupidity is that no where in an airport can you eat with anything other than plastic anything.* But in First Class you get a real steak knife with your steak dinner.* I guess they think that a terrorist wouldn't buy a First Class ticket for their last flight.

 

[FlyWright]

On a family trip in MD, my 10 year old daughter found a nice gardening set as a gift for Grandma with a small hand garden scoop/shovel, flowered gloves and lavendar lotion, Grandma's favorite scent. In our rush to the Baltimore airport, this box was placed in a large carry-on bag. TSA found the bag and initiated a complete lock-down of the secuity area with flashing lights, alarms and PA anouncement. No one was to leave the area and all were to remain stationary. Then an agent at the xray machine held up my daughter's carry-on and asked in a loud, booming voice, "WHOSE BAG IS THIS?" My little girl approached him and stated that it was hers. Then he declares, "WHY ARE YOU TRAVELING WITH THIS?" He yanks out the box with the shovel which, upon closer inspection, looked more like a menacing hooked, sharp-toothed scoop than any garden hand-shovel I'd seen before. My daughter replied, "It's a gift for my Grandma." At this point, they allowed everyone to resume what they were doing.

I approached them and explained that I was her father and if he had any questions to ask me. After they copied my drivers license and recorded a sheet full of personal information, we were allowed to place the 'weapon' in another bag and process it as checked baggage.

We still laugh about how Grandma's gift caused a lockdown at BWI. Grandma passed away last October and I have that shovel to give to my now-20 yr old daughter when she leaves for college in 2 weeks. And I still wonder if I made the no-fly list compiled by some bureaucrat.

 

[captlee]

I was coming back to the states from a week long sailing regatta wearing my "OHHH they feel so good "wet stinky ten year old boat shoes,that only a true boater would wear. As I reached security the agent requested I remove my shoes so he could swipe them with a pad and put it in a sniffer for bomb stink or something. I was polite and did warn him I had worn them for about a week solid for the race and touching them could be borderline BIO-HAZARD. Having no sence of humor and now elevating me to the top of the list for what he thought was avoiding stink check I removed my shoes and passed them to him as fast as I could to avoid the stench. He swiped them and put the pad into a machine and pressed a button while throwing my shoes to me with one hand and holding his nose with the other. The machine made a strange wistle sound and the agent looked like it was time for me to go to jail. After some thought he asked me to take my shoes and leave. I guess he did not want to sit in a hot police car with my shoes to take me away. I guess after all the years boating the smell of the sea and dead fish and diesel fuel make it hard for us old timers to think it could be our shoes.