Charlotte School Shooting

[BandB]

Wifey B: Please don't turn this into politics or make it about gun control, but just allow me to reflect on my personal feelings and if you've been similarly impacted, you're welcome to share.

My hubby and I both attended UNCC and currently 7 kids from the orphanage we're involved with attend there. We also dealt previously with deaths in downtown Charlotte and students at UNCC impacted greatly. This comes on top of Parkland in which we had several employees who had kids there and while none of them were shot, their friends were.

We're flying to Charlotte tomorrow night just to be with the kids though we have no words appropriate or to share that can really help. They'll probably do more to help us than we will to them. Obviously, our first thoughts were whether any of them had been shot, but they weren't. However, the ones who were are children and friends and brothers and sisters and students. Sometimes the question is "How do you go on?" but you do, because you must. However, those closest to the ones shot may not be able to and with previous incidents like this (such as Parkland) we've seen quite a few suicides months later or years later. We each lose a little of ourselves each time.

 

[Action]

You are going to do the thing that likely helps the most. Being there. Likely you will never have words that seem the right thing to say. And I would suggest it isn't the words you say, rather the thing that you do. Being there.

Kids/adults that experience an event like that and maybe not even directly can go to a place of why me, why did this happen and none of it makes a difference or matters. You going there and being with them is the connection that is needed. Connecting by being there can be so much of the healing process. It says you care and you care about them. If some one feels cared about and are being engaged and connected with, the less likely they will go to a dark place.

 

[BruceK]

For the survivors,and others more distant,the PTSD must be so hard to deal with.
Sometimes just being there for someone helps. Perhaps them, and you. Sometimes there are no words,just no words that would help or would transfer comforting thoughts to others.
Just be there, make eye contact, but most of all just be there. I have taken a hand, made contact and uttered the words "There are no words". They will know what you mean.

 

[RT Firefly]

Greetings,
Ms. WB. Not hard to stay away from politics or gun control in discussing these awful tragedies. It's about societal ills and how the sickos and the survivors deal with their interpretations of same.

 

[psneeld]

Think what it is like to serve in the military...not the only direction...but the one I know.


All citizens must think occasionally that their country right or wrong or whatever....put all things into perspective....how it affects all humanity.


In the military you expect friends to die for reasons you don't understand.....even you may choose/ have that fate before your time.


There is no reason to think you may die as a civilian by most peoples standards.....but really....in today's world is that realistic? Look at that kid who sacrificed himself recently in a shooting. 9/11 anyone?


That in itself speaks volumes about many issues in today's world.


Sorry but PTSD is something that can be avoided if we all prepare outrselves that the world is still a cruel and unfair place sometimes...not my recipe, but reality.


Know that at any time, any place our world can be shaken by gunshot, or cancer or whatever.


Keep the faith, do the right thing, know that good can triumph evil ...but not only when we think and do the right things.

 

[BandB]

Wifey B: You're right about the military and the casualties that extend far beyond those killed in combat but to those with them and to their families.

We were on the phone and on webcams with the kids as soon as the event happened. I was also on with a former classmate who is now in SC in schools we're involved with.

We'll talk and listen to the kids both individually and as a group. We'll have an open discussion on Saturday where all can feel free to express themselves. We've flown in for these on other situations such as police shootings and hate crimes. The kids are always amazing.

One thing I've often seen schools do is forbid teachers from discussing it in their classrooms. I've known kids to ask the teachers if they were all ordered not to talk about it and the kids say they want to talk about it so a teacher say, "then talk" and the kids were so thankful. Some parents don't like discussing it with their kids. We can't just discuss the easy things in life.

The orphanage has open discussions anytime the staff or the kids see a need and the kids are amazing to listen to. You wish they were running the state and the country and the world, but it gives you hope. They're such a mixed group of ages, sexes, religions, and ethnicities and yet they consider each other to be their brothers and sisters and the room is filled with love.

We flew in after the Charlotte riot in 2016. One of the kids was downtown as it broke out and he was a UNCC student. I remember a 7 or 8 year old asking this tall strong 20 year old "weren't you scared?" His response was that yes, he was scared, but now he couldn't let that fear run his life and he had to get back to school and get on with his life. He said bad things happen every day somewhere but there's still far more good than bad and he can always return home to the orphanage and his huge family and all the love there and get what he needed to move on.

The help they offer each other is far more effective than that we or the staff can offer.

The students at UNCC had a vigil Wednesday night in the arena and many of our kids went. We watched the live stream. They're also having a facilitated discussion for employees today in the auditorium. The school does an excellent job of providing areas and times for discussion plus providing counseling. It has 30,000 students but in many ways seems to not be aware it's not still a small school as it's retained much of that feel. That's about double when I started there and triple when hubby started. There are three campuses, but the main campus is over 1000 acres.

Fact is, we don't know if the kids need us this weekend, but we do know that we need them. They can, and often do, renew our spirits.

Thanks for the responses and allowing me to express thoughts on something very personal but something all too many of us are experiencing in our lives.