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Old 07-07-2012, 10:02 PM   #1
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Unintended VHF radio humor

Spent last Friday's afternoon on the immobile, berth-tied Coot for lunch and afternoon newspaper reading/snooze. As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen. A couple of radio exchanges had Perla and I laughing.

Boater: "Mare Island Bridge, this is xxx."

Bridge tender acknowledges, and the boater says "I'll be picking up a passenger at the Vallejo Yacht Club and will need bridge opening to go upriver."

Bridge tender: "Call when you leave the club's marina" (about a half mile from the bridge).

Couple minutes later, the boater says "radio check." The bridge tender acknowledges.

Sometime later ...

Boater: "Bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, bridge, this is xxx." No bridge tender answers.

The boater then calls the Benicia Marina and confirms bridge-in-question monitors channel 16.

Subsequently, the boater says "Benicia-Martinez railroad bridge, this is xxx." Then that bridge tender responded.
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Old 07-07-2012, 10:51 PM   #2
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Daily chatter around here. I laugh everytime I here radio check.
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Old 07-07-2012, 11:31 PM   #3
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Several years ago when the kids were in school, and we were boating on the river and lakes, there were a couple of interesting radio conversations that we heard.

The first was a guy on a house boat going upstream. His speech, shall we say, was a little slurred. It went like this.

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx."

"Chickamauga Lock Master back to house boat xxxx."

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx requesting an upstream locking."

"House boat xxxx this is Chickamauga Lock Master. I have a tow in the locks. It will be about two hours before I can get you in the lock".

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx. Let me check."

A pause of a couple of minutes. Then

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx. I'm sorry, but that's not going to work. I only have about 45 minutes of ice left."

Silence.


Then their was a guy obviously inebriated.

Chickalogamock Master, Chickalogamock Master."

Pause

Chickalogamock Master, Chickalogamock Master."

Pause

Another guy came on the radio, and said, "I think if you will call the Chickamauga Lock Master he may answer you".

Total silence after that.
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Old 07-08-2012, 03:17 PM   #4
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[QUOTE=markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why???
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Old 07-08-2012, 03:21 PM   #5
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Carey; =markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why??
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Darn!! I missed that part of the story. . . . . Too Funny
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Old 07-08-2012, 05:07 PM   #6
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[QUOTE=Carey;93155][QUOTE=markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why???[/QUOTE]

Collision avoidance?
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Old 07-08-2012, 07:15 PM   #7
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[QUOTE=Carey;93155][QUOTE=markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why???[/QUOTE]

To exercise the unit.

You fellas must have a different sense of humor. You don't find someone making a radio check moments after having a two-way conversation on the radio to be funny/amusing? or that one calls out for a bridge without identifying it, and with each call "bridge" is repeated an additional time?
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Old 07-08-2012, 08:54 PM   #8
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I have two radios as do alot of folks .....maybe he was checking his other?
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:10 PM   #9
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Quote:
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I have two radios as do alot of folks .....maybe he was checking his other?
He could have used that radio to later ask for the bridge rasing after picking up his passenger. (And he shouldn't have been using channel 16 for a radio check anyway.)
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Old 07-08-2012, 09:10 PM   #10
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[QUOTE=Moonstruck;93160]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carey View Post

Collision avoidance?
And with no drive train he is going to avoid a collision by opening a seacock?
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Old 07-08-2012, 10:51 PM   #11
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[QUOTE=markpierce;93167]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Carey View Post

To exercise the unit.
Mark, I'm not being critical, but on the east coast if you come into a harbor with the radar running you would be asked to turn it off. The two things I try to remember before coming into a harbor are turn off the radar and turn off the synchronizer. In my case there is a restaurant in front, and a restaurant in the rear. If the radar is left on, the patrons get hosed pretty good with microwaves.

I think they're afraid it will melt their Hershey bars.

If I may digress into a story? Thank you. I was doing a condo development on Signal Mountain. Across the main road was an old AT&T microwave tower. The microwave antennae had been removed, and it was converted into a cell tower. I was showing a unit to a lady in her late 70s. She asked if that microwave tower was dangerous. I said, "yes maim, it could make you sterile".

We walked on for awhile. Then she turned to me and said, "you were pulling my leg. Weren't you'.

I said yes. We both had a good laugh, and she bought the unit.
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Old 07-09-2012, 12:50 AM   #12
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[QUOTE=Moonstruck;93192]
Quote:
Originally Posted by markpierce View Post

Mark, I'm not being critical, but on the east coast if you come into a harbor with the radar running you would be asked to turn it off. The two things I try to remember before coming into a harbor are turn off the radar and turn off the synchronizer. In my case there is a restaurant in front, and a restaurant in the rear. If the radar is left on, the patrons get hosed pretty good with microwaves.

I think they're afraid it will melt their Hershey bars.
Isn't that a good thing? Otherwise we wouldn't have microwave ovens. ... I've got a half-inch-and-more of steel over my head in the pilothouse. And little that helps. Aren't you worried about solar rays/particles? Your restaurant friends should stay in very deep caves.
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Old 07-09-2012, 12:55 AM   #13
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Meanwhile, Mark continues to spew microwaves in the Vallejo Municipal Marina.

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Old 07-09-2012, 08:44 AM   #14
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[QUOTE=markpierce;93195]
Quote:
Originally Posted by Moonstruck View Post

Aren't you worried about solar rays/particles?

How did you guess? Did my foil hat tip you off? I do spend a lot of time hiding down in the bilge trying to straighten out my atrocious wiring.
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Old 07-09-2012, 10:55 AM   #15
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Radar.
If you have one us it.

It will last longer if you use it.

So say the Furuno tec guy's

SD
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Old 07-09-2012, 11:19 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by markpierce View Post
Meanwhile, Mark continues to spew microwaves in the Vallejo Municipal Marina.

(giant superflous picture clipped)

Don't forget to blow a little coot call on the whistle once in a while too.
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Old 07-09-2012, 11:43 AM   #17
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Always wondered why the only time you hear "over and out" is in a movie or a TV show. My favorite was a one star monster movie on the SCYFY channel where the "Coast Guard" officer kept referring to an EPIRB as an E-P-I-R-B. Ya gotta laugh.
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Old 07-09-2012, 12:25 PM   #18
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I leave my VHF radio on much of the time when anchored. It's pretty entertaining. Like this one:

Boater: "Coast Guard, Coast Guard"
Coast guard responds
Boater: I ran out of gas last night and I need someone to come get me."
Coast Guard asks for the boater's location
Boater: "I don't know my location but the compass is pointing north."

The sad part is, unlike one of us, the Coast Guard has to take this seriously, as stupid as it is.
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Old 07-09-2012, 02:16 PM   #19
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Boater: Mayday Mayday Mayday. This is the sailboat XXX

CG: What is the nature of your emergency?

Boater: We are becalmed.

CG: Do you have an engine?

Boater: (silence)

*********************
Boater: Mayday Mayday Mayday. This is the power vessel XXX

CG: What is the nature of your emergency.

Boater: We can't get our engine started and we are about to run aground.

CG: What is your location?

Boater: We are in XXX marina.

****************************

Honest. Who could make those up?

There's a good reason why we leave the PNW for July and August.
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Old 07-09-2012, 05:07 PM   #20
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The funniest radio sequence I ever heard was just after we passed through Wood's Hole here in New England. For those unfamiliar with this passage, it can be somewhat confusing and the current rips. Anyway, we had just passed through and on our way through noticed the USCG cutter, Ida Lewis, on station doing maintenance on one of the marker buoys. Shortly after, a sailboat came on the VHF and demanded to know why the coasties were in the channel. They replied very politely that they were attending to the buoy and that the sailboat should just come down their port side. A few minutes later, the coastguard came back on the radio calling the sailboat and emphasizing that they REALLY meant the PORT side -- "No, Sir. Come down our PORT side, our PORT side!!! Then a few minutes later the next radio transmission was the coastguard calling towboat US " we have a sailboat on the rocks at marker XX Wood's Hole passage". The whole sequence played out over about 5 minutes - just enough time to ruin somebody's whole day!!.
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