Unintended VHF radio humor

[markpierce]

Spent last Friday's afternoon on the immobile, berth-tied Coot for lunch and afternoon newspaper reading/snooze. As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen. A couple of radio exchanges had Perla and I laughing.

Boater: "Mare Island Bridge, this is xxx."

Bridge tender acknowledges, and the boater says "I'll be picking up a passenger at the Vallejo Yacht Club and will need bridge opening to go upriver."

Bridge tender: "Call when you leave the club's marina" (about a half mile from the bridge).

Couple minutes later, the boater says "radio check." The bridge tender acknowledges.

Sometime later ...

Boater: "Bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, bridge, this is xxx." No bridge tender answers.

The boater then calls the Benicia Marina and confirms bridge-in-question monitors channel 16.

Subsequently, the boater says "Benicia-Martinez railroad bridge, this is xxx." Then that bridge tender responded.

 

[swampu]

Daily chatter around here. I laugh everytime I here radio check.

 

[Moonstruck]

Several years ago when the kids were in school, and we were boating on the river and lakes, there were a couple of interesting radio conversations that we heard.

The first was a guy on a house boat going upstream. His speech, shall we say, was a little slurred. It went like this.

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx."

"Chickamauga Lock Master back to house boat xxxx."

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx requesting an upstream locking."

"House boat xxxx this is Chickamauga Lock Master. I have a tow in the locks. It will be about two hours before I can get you in the lock".

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx. Let me check."

A pause of a couple of minutes. Then

"Chickamauga Lock Master this is house boat xxxx. I'm sorry, but that's not going to work. I only have about 45 minutes of ice left."

Silence.


Then their was a guy obviously inebriated.

Chickalogamock Master, Chickalogamock Master."

Pause

Chickalogamock Master, Chickalogamock Master."

Pause

Another guy came on the radio, and said, "I think if you will call the Chickamauga Lock Master he may answer you".

Total silence after that.

 

[Carey]

[QUOTE=markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why???

 

[Edelweiss]

Carey; =markpierce; As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen.


I have to say that the funniest part of your post was that you had the radar on. Why??
_______________________________

Darn!! I missed that part of the story. . . . . Too Funny:lol:

 

[Moonstruck]

Collision avoidance?

 

[markpierce]

To exercise the unit.

You fellas must have a different sense of humor. You don't find someone making a radio check moments after having a two-way conversation on the radio to be funny/amusing? or that one calls out for a bridge without identifying it, and with each call "bridge" is repeated an additional time?

 

[Bugmon]

I have two radios as do alot of folks .....maybe he was checking his other?

 

[markpierce]

I have two radios as do alot of folks .....maybe he was checking his other?

He could have used that radio to later ask for the bridge rasing after picking up his passenger. (And he shouldn't have been using channel 16 for a radio check anyway.)

 

[Carey]

Collision avoidance?

And with no drive train he is going to avoid a collision by opening a seacock?

 

[Moonstruck]

To exercise the unit.

Mark, I'm not being critical, but on the east coast if you come into a harbor with the radar running you would be asked to turn it off. The two things I try to remember before coming into a harbor are turn off the radar and turn off the synchronizer. In my case there is a restaurant in front, and a restaurant in the rear. If the radar is left on, the patrons get hosed pretty good with microwaves.

I think they're afraid it will melt their Hershey bars.

If I may digress into a story? Thank you. I was doing a condo development on Signal Mountain. Across the main road was an old AT&T microwave tower. The microwave antennae had been removed, and it was converted into a cell tower. I was showing a unit to a lady in her late 70s. She asked if that microwave tower was dangerous. I said, "yes maim, it could make you sterile".

We walked on for awhile. Then she turned to me and said, "you were pulling my leg. Weren't you'.

I said yes. We both had a good laugh, and she bought the unit.

 

[markpierce]

Mark, I'm not being critical, but on the east coast if you come into a harbor with the radar running you would be asked to turn it off. The two things I try to remember before coming into a harbor are turn off the radar and turn off the synchronizer. In my case there is a restaurant in front, and a restaurant in the rear. If the radar is left on, the patrons get hosed pretty good with microwaves.

I think they're afraid it will melt their Hershey bars.

Isn't that a good thing? Otherwise we wouldn't have microwave ovens. ... I've got a half-inch-and-more of steel over my head in the pilothouse. And little that helps. Aren't you worried about solar rays/particles? Your restaurant friends should stay in very deep caves.

 

[markpierce]

Meanwhile, Mark continues to spew microwaves in the Vallejo Municipal Marina.

 

[Moonstruck]

Aren't you worried about solar rays/particles?

How did you guess? Did my foil hat tip you off? I do spend a lot of time hiding down in the bilge trying to straighten out my atrocious wiring.

 

[skipperdude]

Radar.
If you have one us it.

It will last longer if you use it.

So say the Furuno tec guy's

SD

 

[RickB]

Meanwhile, Mark continues to spew microwaves in the Vallejo Municipal Marina.

(giant superflous picture clipped)

Don't forget to blow a little coot call on the whistle once in a while too.

 

[ancora]

Always wondered why the only time you hear "over and out" is in a movie or a TV show. My favorite was a one star monster movie on the SCYFY channel where the "Coast Guard" officer kept referring to an EPIRB as an E-P-I-R-B. Ya gotta laugh.

 

[rwidman]

I leave my VHF radio on much of the time when anchored. It's pretty entertaining. Like this one:

Boater: "Coast Guard, Coast Guard"
Coast guard responds
Boater: I ran out of gas last night and I need someone to come get me."
Coast Guard asks for the boater's location
Boater: "I don't know my location but the compass is pointing north."

The sad part is, unlike one of us, the Coast Guard has to take this seriously, as stupid as it is.

 

[bobofthenorth]

Boater: Mayday Mayday Mayday. This is the sailboat XXX

CG: What is the nature of your emergency?

Boater: We are becalmed.

CG: Do you have an engine?

Boater: (silence)

*********************
Boater: Mayday Mayday Mayday. This is the power vessel XXX

CG: What is the nature of your emergency.

Boater: We can't get our engine started and we are about to run aground.

CG: What is your location?

Boater: We are in XXX marina.

****************************

Honest. Who could make those up?

There's a good reason why we leave the PNW for July and August.

 

[Chrisjs]

The funniest radio sequence I ever heard was just after we passed through Wood's Hole here in New England. For those unfamiliar with this passage, it can be somewhat confusing and the current rips. Anyway, we had just passed through and on our way through noticed the USCG cutter, Ida Lewis, on station doing maintenance on one of the marker buoys. Shortly after, a sailboat came on the VHF and demanded to know why the coasties were in the channel. They replied very politely that they were attending to the buoy and that the sailboat should just come down their port side. A few minutes later, the coastguard came back on the radio calling the sailboat and emphasizing that they REALLY meant the PORT side -- "No, Sir. Come down our PORT side, our PORT side!!! Then a few minutes later the next radio transmission was the coastguard calling towboat US " we have a sailboat on the rocks at marker XX Wood's Hole passage". The whole sequence played out over about 5 minutes - just enough time to ruin somebody's whole day!!.

 

[Edelweiss]

As stupid as some of those are, I believe everyone of them!!

You should hear some of the 9-1-1 calls that come into our centers. It's an exercise in patience. The most common call goes like this:

9-1-1 what are you reporting?

(caller) Yes, I've been involved in a collision on the freeway and we need an officer here.

Are there any injuries?

(caller) Uhh, I think my car is ruined!!

OK, where are you located?

(caller) I'm in my car and I'm talking to you on my cell phone.

-----------------

My other favorite:

9-1-1 what are you reporting

(caller) I've run out of gas on the freeway

What's your location ?

(caller) Well, if I knew that, I would have called my husband to come help me!!

Larry B

 

[Marin]

Radar.
If you have one us it.

It will last longer if you use it.

So say the Furuno tec guy's

SD

According to the Furuno shop we use. the LCD displays have a finite life. Eventually they will start to dim and as this goes on you'll eventually have to have the display screen replaced. While this is not a reason to not use the radar when you need or want to use it, if you leave it off unless you want or need to use it, the longer (calendar) time you'll get out of the display.

When I asked about "exercising" the antenna he shrugged and said if we didn't turn the radar on for a month or two we could turn it on for a few minutes if we wanted to to give it a spin. But he didn't seem to think it would be any big deal if we didn't.

In the Elco PT operations manual I obtained as part of the research material for my current writing project it instructs the crew to turn on the boat's electronics--- radio, RDF, etc.--- for a few minutes every day. However this was in the day of vacuum tube equipment and wiring and other components that were susceptible to moisture and a host of other problems. Running the equipment every day was considered a way of keeping the components dry, keeping corrosion at bay, and ensuring they would work when they were needed. Not an issue with today's digital and sealed units.

 

[rochepoint]

The funniest radio call I heard was at Dodds Narrows one day, the boats were mustering to make the transit at slack tide. When a big Tolly came running past everyone throwing up a huge wake heading for the narrows. Everyone was yelling on the VHF to shut her down of course he started yelling right back, even my wife was blushing at the language. Then one very cool, calm and collected voice came over the air waves, "Since when did they let Tolly owners go to Bayliner school?" He didn't say a word but immediately shut her down and motored off with no wake. He was pretty humble at the dock in Nanamio, not saying a word, but a lot of people had little smirks.

PS.....I like Tollys and Bayliners, just not when they have a loose nut behind the wheel.

 

[Bugmon]

Mark, I'm not being critical, but on the east coast if you come into a harbor with the radar running you would be asked to turn it off. The two things I try to remember before coming into a harbor are turn off the radar and turn off the synchronizer. In my case there is a restaurant in front, and a restaurant in the rear. If the radar is left on, the patrons get hosed pretty good with microwaves.

The East coast of what continent?

... OMG this takes the silly prize!

 

[honeybadger]

Last year during my winter trip south about once a day a power/sport boat would scream past with out a VHF call or even a horn blast. Then with the Icom turned on High power and the mic Gain Up, Hey captain thanks for the slow port side pass " he passed on the starboard side he then calls back " did we wake you" I said yes and you spilled the captains drink he is mad" Then like he is going to drive back and re pass us on the wrong side again " tell the captain it wont happen again " Then about 2 days later i hear a call on the radio " South bound XXX boat this is XXX we are going to pass you on the left side slowly tell the captain to hold his drink" so as he motors past at about 20Knots pulling more wake than last time" the only thing i could muster was " thanks for the port side pass captain" and they let these people buy and drive large power boats ???????

 

[Chrisjs]

Regarding the radar wearing out, it is my understanding that there is a finite life (approx. 2,000 hours) for the Furuno magnetron unit. The catch is, apparently the magnetron is "on" and counting down those hours even when the radar is in the standby mode. Have never had anyone complain about use of the radar, though we tend to not use it on clear days in local areas. The AIS is always on with the chart-plotter. The radar is still absolutely invaluable at night and in fog!!!
Chris

 

[rwidman]

........... Have never had anyone complain about use of the radar, .............

Not everyone will know your radar is "ON" and not everyone will know the danger, but being in the beam of an operating radar is not good for your health or anyone else's health.

It's one of those things that adds up over time. Your gonads won't fall off imediately if you're hit by the beam, but it's best to avoid it and not put bystanders at risk.

 

[skipperdude]

Originally Posted by skipperdude
Radar.
If you have one us it.

It will last longer if you use it.

So say the Furuno tec guy's

SD

According to the Furuno shop we use. the LCD displays have a finite life. Eventually they will start to dim and as this goes on you'll eventually have to have the display screen replaced. While this is not a reason to not use the radar when you need or want to use it, if you leave it off unless you want or need to use it, the longer (calendar) time you'll get out of the display.

When I asked about "exercising" the antenna he shrugged and said if we didn't turn the radar on for a month or two we could turn it on for a few minutes if we wanted to to give it a spin. But he didn't seem to think it would be any big deal if we didn't.

In the Elco PT operations manual I obtained as part of the research material for my current writing project it instructs the crew to turn on the boat's electronics--- radio, RDF, etc.--- for a few minutes every day. However this was in the day of vacuum tube equipment and wiring and other components that were susceptible to moisture and a host of other problems. Running the equipment every day was considered a way of keeping the components dry, keeping corrosion at bay, and ensuring they would work when they were needed. Not an issue with today's digital and sealed units.

Ask the same question to different people you get different responses.

Perhaps your guy knew more than mine

 

[Chrisjs]

The information on magnetron life expectancy comes directly from the Furuno handbook where they specify between 2,000 and 3,000 hours including "standby". Since we already have 2,500 engine hours, I now limit radar time to when I need it. No reason to run radar on a crisp bright day while we are in open coastal waters. On the other hand it is absolutely invaluable when off-shore and/or running at night or in fog (which we get quite often in New England!!).

 

[Egregious]

Spent last Friday's afternoon on the immobile, berth-tied Coot for lunch and afternoon newspaper reading/snooze. As always, had the radar working and the VHF radio set for channel sixteen. A couple of radio exchanges had Perla and I laughing.

Boater: "Mare Island Bridge, this is xxx."

Bridge tender acknowledges, and the boater says "I'll be picking up a passenger at the Vallejo Yacht Club and will need bridge opening to go upriver."

Bridge tender: "Call when you leave the club's marina" (about a half mile from the bridge).

Couple minutes later, the boater says "radio check." The bridge tender acknowledges.

Sometime later ...

Boater: "Bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, this is xxx."

Couple minutes later, boater says "bridge, bridge, bridge, this is xxx." No bridge tender answers.

The boater then calls the Benicia Marina and confirms bridge-in-question monitors channel 16.

Subsequently, the boater says "Benicia-Martinez railroad bridge, this is xxx." Then that bridge tender responded.

Bridge tenders are famous for not answering if you call them by an incorrect name. "bridge, bridge, bridge" will not cause any bridge tender to answer. Call them and when they answer they will answer with the correct name. I always talk to them, even when I do not require an opening. They appreciate the "heads up"