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Old 09-27-2015, 11:53 AM   #101
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This topic creates anxiety for me. Im 49 with my last child just starting high school. My wife and I have always talked about boating big boat style and this has been a life long dream for us. Well maybe its more of my dream. I love the ocean. We do spend a lot of time on the water at our cabin in Alaska but its not the same. I want to hit the water and start cruising once our last child is in college. My wife has now started a masters program with an eye on an administration position in the school district. That does not seem like a 4 year plan to me. There is the source of my anxiety.
Wifey B: Ok, as an over educated educator who can put lots of fancy letters after my name, it should be a topic of serious conversation. I struggled a bit with retiring young and not continuing to use my skills to educate. I'm proud that I was considered one of the best at developing and implementing reading programs. I admit to being selfish and just plain wanting fun and even more than that wanting all the time possible with my husband. However, I also found a way with his help to not abandon my quest entirely. I can consult and do it on my terms and often have fewer implementation problems than an insider might have.

I don't know your wife's age or years taught. I imagine she's also battling trying to get to teacher's retirement with a 20/80 rule or something of that nature. (For those not in education, means you must have at least 20 years and the sum of your years teaching and age must add up to 80). Assuming she's your age and has taught since she was 23 then that would put her at a total of 75, so within a 3 year retirement window). I don't know your financial situation either.

You'll have to find out her reasons. Is it financial, love of job, or because there's a force at play in her life making her think it's the right thing. Maybe she's trying to prove something to others or herself. Maybe it's her lifetime dream. The scary thing a bit is that as a teacher, at least she could be free for a couple of months in the summer, but administrators work 12 months. There's probably some compromise or common ground. Maybe something like go on and get the boat and start acclimating in 4 years but set 8 years as full retirement and maybe you do retire in 4 and you work on getting everything in place and perfect for 8 years and on gaining the knowledge and experience. Maybe in her mind she's more comfortable with the last child out of college vs. entering.

Our goal was always to retire by the time my husband was 60, hoping for 55, fantasizing about 50. We made joint decisions that would make retirement possible early. We saved and invested and I think the target of retirement was more in our minds than it is for most. Ok, I know some of you are going to find this a bit much and sappy and too sugary or saccharine or aspartame overdose. Retirement to me wasn't about where or what. It was about being able to spend all our time together and not being required to be apart 10 hours a day five days a week and sometimes 24 hours when he traveled on business. Now we might have been able to retire in some fashion by the time he was 50 but we got exceedingly lucky and enormously fortunate and it became possible at 43 instead. We're also not 100% retired in terms of doing no work. We're just 100% retired in terms of only doing what we want to. I do my education gigs, he does one day remote consulting jobs from home or the boat, I assist him and he assists me, and we own a business and we spend time at the orphanage and we try to do other charitable things but not just toss money, be personally involved. We couldn't shut down completely.

Do we feel guilty ever about being retired early? Could that be a challenge she's facing as well? We do. We sometimes feel it's unfair we are semi-retired while others are working so hard. We can't change the world. God knows I've had to remind him of that enough our years together. But we do use it to try to make small changes. Even in our business we have a very heavy emphasis on limiting hours and maximizing vacation so people can have quality lives and making it possible for people to retire earlier.

One thing we face in our society is that often our worth is equated to our job. We're driven to work long hours and be productive. We identify with our professions. It's a challenge for many facing retirement to grasp that they've still got value as humans. I talked to a man who retired at 79 and felt after like he served no purpose in the world. His 45 year old daughter crawled in his lap and said, "You do serve a purpose. You're my daddy. You're here when I need you."

I know we seem like all we do is fun and play and boat and cruise but that's what this site is. I don't think we'll ever be just that. Retirement to me is doing what you want when you want. That we do.

Good luck in finding a solution that works for both of you. I think if you really discuss all aspects and not just the what parts but the why then you can find one.

Darn, I was as long winded as someone else I know very well...hehe
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Old 09-27-2015, 12:45 PM   #102
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Wifey B, that extensive post sure covered a lot of ground . It covered several great points as well.
Patricia was a teacher for 10 years or so. Special Ed/,BD lockdown facilities and inner city until the last few years when she taught at the HS up the street. We needed her help to run the office- and she has for years now. Interesting that she still looks so fondly at her inner city years as the "best". It fulfilled her. She felt needed and was able to impact so many young lives. Their parents? That's a different story.
And a great point as well about having the summer months off if not in Admin. As part of the "B and B team" you guys are always encouraging of others to think a little broader about what opportunities may be reachable to improve quality of life. With so many participants collectively wanting the similar cruising dream- you guys and others ( Larry, Don- the list goes on) inspire many of us with your adventures!




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Old 09-27-2015, 01:21 PM   #103
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As part of the "B and B team" you guys are always encouraging of others to think a little broader about what opportunities may be reachable to improve quality of life.
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Old 09-27-2015, 01:32 PM   #104
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The other part of higher education is that it's tough to walk away from the money when you reach the administration level. My wife has been a dean at a university for 4 years now. Pay and retirement benefits more than doubled from her already generous teaching salary. If you have kids and grandkids, it's tough to walk away from the surplus money that can make their lives better. Also nice to see their added contributions to her retirement account!

Besides, one of us needs to work while I cruise.

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Old 09-27-2015, 01:40 PM   #105
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BandB - Yes very similar. My wife has been the reading specialist and now is the implementation specialist. Our plan was never for her to make it to the retirement age as a teacher. She would need to work another 20 years to reach 65. She is totally validated with her job and the P and VP love her and are paving the way for her to be the next VP.

Its not really practical for us to get a larger boat until she retires. We would need to keep it in the Bay area and with her working so much the boat would sit mostly unused. While we are financially secure I could not swallow the pill of moorage and maintenance for a few weekends a year. For now we boat the month of July in Alaska and we have a small sailboat C-22 on Tahoe to use the rest of the year.

I have gotten the thread off topic and I certainly don't feel old but things happen and I don't want to be one of the "I wish I would have" types. It is probably just me being anxious to get going. I love hearing the stories here of women and men boating for 20 years from Florida to the inside passage. I want to be like you!
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Old 09-27-2015, 01:47 PM   #106
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O C Diver

I just read your post and got a chuckle. You and I are in similar situations. I even have a lot in Fort Myers But…..When I tell the wife I am going to join the group on the Pacific Puddle Jump and she can fly over and meet me after the passage I get the look. There is this one too... Ill take our trawler up to the cabin and you can meet me there. Yep the look again. I should be glad she wants me around at least.
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Old 09-27-2015, 02:11 PM   #107
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"Retirement to me is doing what you want when you want."
I've lived by that creed since 1992 & it's worked quite well for me.
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Old 09-27-2015, 02:20 PM   #108
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The other part of higher education is that it's tough to walk away from the money when you reach the administration level. My wife has been a dean at a university for 4 years now. Pay and retirement benefits more than doubled from her already generous teaching salary. If you have kids and grandkids, it's tough to walk away from the surplus money that can make their lives better. Also nice to see their added contributions to her retirement account!

Besides, one of us needs to work while I cruise.

Ted
Wifey B: Yes, especially since in most states your retirement pay is based on your income for your final three or five years. So, it's not like you add an extra percent, you make it a higher percentage of a larger number. NC it's based on your highest four years in a row. So you can work four more years and almost double your retirement. I just withdrew mine when I left. I had a lot more in my 401k than in my teacher's retirement.
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Old 09-27-2015, 04:24 PM   #109
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Wifey B: Yes, especially since in most states your retirement pay is based on your income for your final three or five years. So, it's not like you add an extra percent, you make it a higher percentage of a larger number. NC it's based on your highest four years in a row. So you can work four more years and almost double your retirement. I just withdrew mine when I left. I had a lot more in my 401k than in my teacher's retirement.
My wife choose TIA-CREF when she started at the college level 25 years ago as she expected to have to move to advance. Four states later, it proved to be a good choice as many colleges have a practice of not hiring from within (new broom sweeps clean) when crossing from teaching to administration.....even if you were teacher of the year and chair of your department. So, no pension for my wife.

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Old 09-27-2015, 04:47 PM   #110
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Greetings,
Ah...true confession time and there's NOTHING wrong with that. I retired some 6 years ago just after the Admiral but in the meantime the Admiral accepted another position that is open ended, career-wise. My dream of sailing off into the sunset together has NOT happened yet BUT, we are still able to spend months at a time together on board. So take heart Mr. NM. Don't wish your life away.



It's all good.
I married a type "A" personality. Myself? I'd say much more of a type "B", maybe "B-". Opposites attract?
Mr. NM mentioned "the look"... I think I saw that same look the first time I said "I'm off boating. I'll call and tell you where to send my pension checks".
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Old 09-27-2015, 09:42 PM   #111
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O C Diver

I just read your post and got a chuckle. You and I are in similar situations. I even have a lot in Fort Myers But…..When I tell the wife I am going to join the group on the Pacific Puddle Jump and she can fly over and meet me after the passage I get the look. There is this one too... Ill take our trawler up to the cabin and you can meet me there. Yep the look again. I should be glad she wants me around at least.
Funny, my wife was all good with that. I'm likely to be a solo cruiser till I get to the flat water. Wife gets deathly sea sick. She wants to do the Erie canal (grew up in Erie, PA), crossing the great lakes......not happening.

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Old 10-03-2015, 09:15 PM   #112
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Interesting topic. Just turned 73 and just became a widower all in the same month. Also just renewed my Masters 100T for the 8th time. Still work part time as a boat captain for a tour boat company. Don't have the physical stamina I used to have, so I hire some things done, both at home and on the boat. My next masters renewal is in five years, and I will be 78. Will hang the ticket up, but not boating. We will judge that as best we can at the time. As long as I have my whit's about me and can operate safely I will keep boating Was out driving the mussel car yesterday, I need to be careful there, very easy to forget who you are and what your doing. LOL

Dad sold his last boat when he was 82, mostly because of mother's illness. The last year he had it a young man ( under 30) asked him why he wanted to keep a big boat at his age. Answer "Because I want to, I can afford to, and I choose to. That alright with you"?

I don't know the author of this quote but it seems fitting. " Life isn't a journey to the grave with intention of arriving safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, boy thoroughly worn out, and screaming " Whoo-hoo! WHAT A RIDE"!

We get too soon Old- and to late smart.

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Well said, I love that line and belief about sliding in sideways, as we use to say down under. - Good on ya
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Old 10-03-2015, 11:07 PM   #113
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If it were totally up to me, I wouldn't pack it in till my arse dried up and I didn't have to lance my weeping butt furunkles anymore.
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Old 10-04-2015, 07:29 PM   #114
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We are 67/60 and I think I have ten more years. I do most of my own work and like working on the boat. We retired early and cruised Mexico, mostly the Sea of Cortez, and would like to do Mexico again as well as the PNW. Yes, there are health issues but We're going to have them on shore or on board. It's all just maintenance, body and boat.
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Old 10-04-2015, 11:24 PM   #115
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... it's tough to walk away from the money when you reach the administration level ... Pay and retirement benefits more than doubled from her already generous teaching salary. If you have kids and grandkids, it's tough to walk away from the surplus money that can make their lives better.
… it's tough to walk away from the money when you're in this part of the world as well. Blessed to have it, which means retiring in 4-5 years is realistic. The big cruising boat that was planned for our retirement can now be purchased a half decade sooner, although mooring her remotely in SE Asia will be costly.

There are a lot of trade offs however for the lifestyle and its often-times a difficult decision to just keep going as-is.
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Old 10-05-2015, 04:12 AM   #116
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Later this week Deb and I will head off to Annapolis for the boat show as we have done for years. We will participate in an annual Caribbean cruisers party where we continue to be among the younger participants. (I am 69.) Watching over the years the single biggest reason among these cruisers for giving up cruising is worsening health. Usually after a couple of years of reducing the activity level, or in some cases a shock diagnosis. Those with sailboats can continue on until no longer able to use the boat and then put the boat up for sail in the Eastern Caribbean. Those with trawlers usually bring them back to North America for sale or as we plan to do bring when the time comes bring Bay Pelican back to the United States and use her a little differently.

When to pack it in you ask. When health or finances forces me to do something else.

PS, the host for the party is 83 and he is a pain because he refuses to slow down and scares the heck out of me when he is on the foredeck.
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Old 10-05-2015, 06:13 PM   #117
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The PO was mid-80's when I bought my boat. His kids made him sell it because he had wiped out several swim platforms reversing out of his slip and into pilings over a couple of years. I think his kids were pretty mean about it.

Mike used to visit the boat a lot, have a coffee and spend time reading his mail, paying bills, chat with dock neighbours etc. Even after they had emptied the boat of his stuff I found a pair of his shoes under one of the lounge chairs and a folder full of his papers behind the chair. He was pleased when I dropped those things back to him at his house, and I could tell already he was really missing the boat.

I kept in touch for a while, and at one point he was really excited about this boat he had found over East, a bit bigger, that he was all set to buy. Now that wasn't a good idea, he should have been looking for something smaller and more manageable. But the purchase didn't happen as his kids found out what he was planning. He had outlived two wives and the boat was kinda the third one - he had bought it new. I often think that it was a shame he could not have kept it until he was carried off in a box, and have told my kids that is the plan. Eventually. But I've got at least 10 years before i get to the never-leave-the-dock stage.
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Old 10-05-2015, 11:01 PM   #118
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I often think that it was a shame he could not have kept it until he was carried off in a box
Nice story. I wonder if you ever felt like you were "invading?" I've always felt that a boat is a very personal part of someone. When I moved into my (used) boat and read through the decades-old ship log, and came across the things others left behind (even gear), I could always feel their presence and it was a bit uncomfortable. Funny thing is that I never felt that way about moving into a used house.

When I was chartering my boat/home, some guys used to comment that chartering your boat is like whoring out your wife. It took me awhile, but I finally understood.
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Old 10-06-2015, 01:00 AM   #119
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Nice story. I wonder if you ever felt like you were "invading?" I've always felt that a boat is a very personal part of someone. When I moved into my (used) boat and read through the decades-old ship log, and came across the things others left behind (even gear), I could always feel their presence and it was a bit uncomfortable. Funny thing is that I never felt that way about moving into a used house.

When I was chartering my boat/home, some guys used to comment that chartering your boat is like whoring out your wife. It took me awhile, but I finally understood.
Not really, particularly after I had used chlorox on the inside of every single cupboard, taken the ER back to bare GRP and rebuilt it, and made the electrical system safe.

I had been into every nook and cranny by the time Mike phoned up in a mild panic saying he had left some guns hidden aboard. I said I don't think so, but got him to talk me through where they were supposed to be and had a look while he was on the phone. Turns out his kids had removed them when they cleaned out the boat, kept them and didn't tell him.
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