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Old 04-02-2014, 04:53 PM   #1
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Thinking.

I am thinking about putting the Blue Heron up for sale. I've been doing some business case analysis and I keep her more at the dock then underway or on the go. My plans at the beginning were a bit robust but like a recent thread here stated both partners have to be in it and my wife isn't onboard ( pun intended ) like I am. While its totally my decision, I am weighing the pluses and the minuses to such a decision.
I have been looking at smaller boats that are not exactly trawlers ( Cruisers, Sea Ray) as they be more in line with my family and I can adapt.
Anyways, I am considering it. I do love my trawler though!
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:03 PM   #2
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If only used for vacation and occasional boating, chartering makes a bunch more sense. You have none of the hassles of boat ownership (unless you happen to enjoy them as a part of the hobby), and expand your cruising grounds to the entire US and beyond. Cheaper on an annual basis too.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:41 PM   #3
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I am thinking about putting the Blue Heron up for sale. I've been doing some business case analysis and I keep her more at the dock then underway or on the go. My plans at the beginning were a bit robust but like a recent thread here stated both partners have to be in it and my wife isn't onboard ( pun intended ) like I am. While its totally my decision, I am weighing the pluses and the minuses to such a decision.
I have been looking at smaller boats that are not exactly trawlers ( Cruisers, Sea Ray) as they be more in line with my family and I can adapt.
Anyways, I am considering it. I do love my trawler though!
I can relate....

If you don't mind....think outside the box...

If your time on the water is limited, you can still cruise with a day boat (anything from a bowrider to a 30 or so Sea Ray type). Instead of paying for and dragging around a lot of boat...you can still go places...just rent a condo, a motel room or bed and breakfast it at your destination.

Many women generally love it (staying out and eating out) and the savings on operating expenses every year pay for the half dozen or so trip you can take. You can still anchor out till it's time to hit the sack. Some bed and breakfast's/resorts have a dock and stay policy (reduced rates).

With a smaller, faster boat...your choice of destinations greatly expands...especially if it's trailerable.

When you don't have the time to take a couple days..a smaller boat is more fun to day trip in anyway..go to restaurants, beaches, etc that the big boat can't.

You are also loess of a slave to maintenance.
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Old 04-02-2014, 05:57 PM   #4
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Well, I'll tell you a little story...

Last spring my admrial told me she was done with boating. She made a medical condition the excuse, but I knew in my heart that was not the case. The reality was, and she will probably never admit this, she was just tired of boating, and much of what it entails. Remember boats are much like a mistress in many ways. They not only take money, they take something more valuable, time.

So, I did what I thought was right and I hung up a for sale sign, then took out some craigslist ads.

I just couldn't do it. I showed the boat, and had an offer, and prior to signing any paperwork I backed out.

The problem was that my boat represented something more to me than just a object. It was a dream, a dream of freedom. Freedom from what I do not know, because I already have a great life, but freedom all the same. The fact is I love the sea, and I could not give it up. I could not look forward to rose gardening.

Fast forward a short year later, and all is better with the admiral. She has come to peace that my boating hobby is part of who I am. She goes along, and I think/hope she enjoys it.

I've also come to peace with something else. Not all of our dreams are the same. She like many folks wants peaceful tranquility, a rose garden, her home, and animals. I want to go cruising. I want to explore.

Neither of us are willing to give up on our dreams. She has her life, and I enjoy it as well. As I age will spend more and more time cruising. We will both have to compromise. But it wouldn't be right for either of us to give up our dreams for the other.

So, my advice to you is look at your dreams, and see how your boat fits in. A large boat is a specialized piece of equipment. Do your dreams fit the boat?

If so, keep your boat, and work out other compromises with your admiral. If you think a different boat might fit your dreams, and possibly fit in better with hers, then that is a possibility.

My only caution is that if you sell your trawler and get a smaller boat, she might still not like it, and you could find yourself out of the boating hobby, never to return.

Then you will have lost the dream entirely. She might be happier, but will you? How will you feel about her five years from now, after having your dream taken away?

Remember, You both get this one little life to live. One shot at it. Live your dreams, and let her live hers. Respect that you are two different people, and have different dreams, and work out a compromise based on that mutual respect.
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:03 PM   #5
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I've also come to peace with something else. Not all of our dreams are the same. She like many folks wants peaceful tranquility, a rose garden, her home, and animals. I want to go cruising. I want to explore.

Neither of us are willing to give up on our dreams. She has her life, and I enjoy it as well. As I age will spend more and more time cruising. We will both have to compromise. But it wouldn't be right for either of us to give up our dreams for the other.
Very well put. And very true. Probably not too many people could adjust to that reality as well as you two have -- I envy you.
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Old 04-02-2014, 06:38 PM   #6
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Very well put. And very true. Probably not too many people could adjust to that reality as well as you two have -- I envy you.
Thanks!

Saying how this worked out in a forum post, seems to make it look like it was easy. The reality is there were some very serious discussions, and not all of them pretty to get to the point we are at now.

Marriage is not easy. It takes work, communication, respect, and an appreciation for the fact that we are different people. It also takes a belief that our partners dreams, wants, and desires, are just as important as ours.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:15 PM   #7
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No Kevin, it didn't seem easy for you. Some times it is not easy to find the balance between two loves. Respect for each other is what makes it work. Thanks for being so open with your story. I hope BlueHeron can find that balance.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:25 PM   #8
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Wow. Thanks for the story. This reminds me how lucky I am to have a wife who is as much of an adventurer as I am. Good for you in looking to compromise.
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Old 04-02-2014, 07:42 PM   #9
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Kevin, great advice! Thanks. I'm still on the fence. It will be my decision. Some good info and big medicine in these words
I appreciate it
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:13 PM   #10
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Kevin, your story really touched me and made me realize all over again how lucky I (and many others) are to have a spouse that enjoys boating. Maybe not quite as much as we do, but enjoys it nonetheless.

I'm glad for you that your situation worked out the way it did.
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Old 04-02-2014, 08:51 PM   #11
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I don't know...cruising reminds me a lot like being deployed in the military...only really works for a handful...

Separation makes the heart grow fonder" seemed to work better for past generations.

While I wish everyone their dreams....I have to say finding serious cruising couples that have both partners passionate for it is pretty rare.....(in the big scheme of things...I wouldn't use TF as any kind of yardstick on that one...). Short trips and weekends aside....
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Old 04-02-2014, 09:08 PM   #12
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Good words, Kevin.
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Old 04-02-2014, 10:43 PM   #13
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Kevin-

Hello from Southern South East AK- Your thoughts are well though out and appreciated by myself. While I have a willing partner in my wife in boating, we too have come to an agreement that allows me to not feel guilty when I take off.
In our case, I travel up to Wrangell (13 hours) to play golf staying for seven to ten days making it a worthwhile voyage. Weather permitting the ten days has been the limit of each stay. This event happens approximately 6 or 7 times each season.
This arrangement worked for the past several years even with her having a sister residing in Wrangell. Almost as Blue Heron has indicated, even that arrangement is testy so we have decided that this summer she will accommodate me up, spend a few days and then return by ferry. or vise-versa and come home with me on the boat. Of course while there we reside on the boat which truthfully is a joyful time as I can cook, visit with traveling boaters from the South and in general besides golf, enjoy the intent of my retirement.
That said, sharing somehow makes the telling a little more important knowing there are others facing similar decisions.
Thanks again Kevin and Blue Heron for sharing.
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Old 04-02-2014, 11:07 PM   #14
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Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats.

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Old 04-03-2014, 12:58 AM   #15
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Great post Kevin. Very true and valuable meaning.

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Old 04-03-2014, 01:37 AM   #16
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I want more adventure. I'm not ready to shuffle of yet and fortunately neither does my wife. I've been able to convince her of my passion and happily she understands. I know I am a very lucky man (I almost wrote fortunate again) but it really does take work to keep a marriage alive.
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Old 04-03-2014, 11:57 AM   #17
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And then, unfortunately you just sometime have to.....




Get rid of the wife..
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Old 04-03-2014, 12:04 PM   #18
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And then, unfortunately you just sometime have to.....




Get rid of the wife..
And then sometimes, equally unfortunately, the wife gets rid of you. :-)
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Old 04-03-2014, 01:07 PM   #19
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Lol Pirate Sailor!
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Old 04-03-2014, 01:09 PM   #20
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I have decided to sell. Smaller boat awaits. I don't want to singlehand the trawler and I want to get out on the water more so its gonna be a trade off.

It's been a great boat.
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