Happy wife happy life? Hmmm

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FWT said:
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Second, it might help if the work and projects are toward a stated goal that is appealing. Its one thing to spend a lot of time working on the boat because you enjoy doing the work. But things shift into a different gear if it is understood those projects are in preparation for a major trip you both want to do. Through the Great Lakes. Down to FL for the winter and over to the Bahamas. An end goal, with a timeline, that involves the kind of fun you both will enjoy.

My two cents.
Click to expand...

The above is getting close to my question to the OP.

Since getting the boat, has the OP and wife used the boat to make it fun for the wife? Or is the boat just sitting still getting worked on by the OP while the wife is ignored?

For us, the boat is a tool to allow travel, see places and do new things. Yes it will require work, as do cars, house, land, tractors, etc., but in the end, it is a tool to take us places. If it is not taking us places, well time to sell.

Later,
Dan
 
Have her buy some pillows, sheets and kitchen/galley items for the boat. A little nesting goes a long way.
 
To the OP, how many years do you plan to cruise? While no one likes to be put between a rock and a hard place, one should be realistic about how much longer one would keep cruising. If one sees boating as a joint venture, then either partner should have the option to end the venture. I certainly wouldn't get a divorce so I could cruise a couple more years. If cruising is your dream and not both of yours, maybe it's time to let her off the boat. If you can't do it without her, maybe it's you who has unrealistic expectations.

Ted
 
Sure seems to be more to the story. Sounds like the wife just wants out.... Is SHE willing to give him up if he keeps the boat.


Marriage is always a bit of compromises, and has to be somewhat on an even keel, but not always. Some couples just get along no mater what they do, and give a bit so she or he can enjoy their passion.
 
Viewed your YouTube video from Nov 2021. Beautiful boat and looks pristine! Just sayin...
 
As others have opined, despite the august accumulated wisdom of all the best and the brightest here, this is not the place to come for relationship advice. (Or maybe sometimes not even boat advice ):lol:

It is a place to have some fun, shoot the breeze, and share ideas.

A few thoughts...

1. If your marriage is truly seriously stressed by having that boat, maybe a little marriage counseling?

2. If her primary complaints are things are always breaking and needing fixing, how about a smaller, newer, easier to take care of boat? Especially if you are in your, ahem, 'senior' years (which it sounds like you are), how much use will you really get going forward out of an older, 50 ft boat needing a fair amount of maintenance? Maybe life might be easier for you, and more acceptable for her, with a boat that's easier to take care of.

3. As others have suggested, try to accommodate her desires. What does she want as much as you want a boat? If you can find a way for her to have that, she might be more accepting of a (smaller and easier to own) boat for you. And just maybe even join you on some trips.

Just my 2 cents, and certainly worth much less than that.
 
2savage said:
Not working out too well for me........I'm at a crossroads. I love the boat and have plenty of skin in the game (and blood). But is it worth a divorce?......But can I live with saying OK, I'll sell the boat so we can be happy together?
Click to expand...

Oh boy, if you guys are posing ultimatums to each other, tough times ahead. More at play here I'm sure.

Marina I'm at in Ensenada has several aged-out cruisers. Two of whom are 80-ish and lost their wives in the last few years. "It's no fun alone" is a common refrain.

Peter
 
It really is the perfect "Venus vs Mars" skit eh?

Men want to fix any problem. Women want to talk about how they feel about the problem.

If a man has a problem he will get right to fixing it.

If woman has a problem she will call 3 or four friends or family members to talk about it. Get a feel for the consensus.

Yeah, I love this skit, gets right to the core of the whole thing.
 
Selling a boat is cheaper than divorcing a wife.

I’m lucky at present and my wife is my”true companion “ as in the Marc Cohn song. Because of that all major decisions are ours not hers nor mine. Sure it starts” I want to do…. What do you think?” But it ends up being a mutual decision.
I wanted to have a boat built and go RTW. She said no but we can cruise long range. She didn’t want the south China or Indian Ocean.
I wanted to sell the house and all our possessions . She said no she always wanted a house to come home to and hold on to the memories associated with some of our possessions. But she’d sail with me nearly full time (9-10/12 months) for as long as we can. Was month home for Xmas/New years, 2weeks Easter school break, two weeks land vaca. Friends told me if you want to cruise you both need holidays off the boat or a quick burn out is more likely.
In retrospect she was right and even now is right to have me paying for much of the unskilled labor I did before (detailing, bottom prep and painting). Her attitude is she’d rather spend time with me doing fun stuff even if it means less funds for other discretionary expenses.
Yes I’m more keen on boating but we love each other. I’m ok going antiquing, or to the beach or gardening. All things which aren’t loves for me.But now I enjoy. But I love my bride. She expands my world and I do hers. I like to motorcycle. She got tired of knocking helmets and got her own. She did Sturgis, Cabot trail, tail of Dragon etc. but said they’re now crazy out there so we sold all the bikes (wing,Ktm, Suzuki, road glide). She’s still sad walking through the garage and occasionally says “I miss the bikes” but we both realize time moves on and interests change as does risk/reward.
Marriage isn’t about control or being alpha. As the Navaho say it’s about walking in beauty. They aren’t concessions when her joy gives me joy and mine does her.
Wife now has tens of thousands of miles under her keel. She is aging out and I know it. Tired of nearly full time cruising. So we switched to snowbirding. That allows her more time at home and with family. It allows me to cruise outside home waters for 6 to 7 months. A decrease but sufficientl. She knows I’ll always have a boat and she’s good with that. What boat may change but our love for each other won’t.
 
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2savage, how about showing her the thread and posting her responses?
 
"It's no fun alone"
To quote others "Don't ask how I know"

Ted
 
Isn't there a similar thread on here about whether to choose between a boat and a woman?
Asking relationship advice on a trawler forum is going to get the answer you would expect to receive from a bunch of elderly male boat owners who are focused on boats.
 
Just venting I suspect, especially after I read where the boat was first in their life about two minutes ago in Jun 21. She'll (the boat or wife) come around.

Dumped an unhappy wife and kept the boat (the boat not being the root problem) and first date with wife of 25 years was on the boat. WE eventually happily downsized to current boat.
 
# 1 if you get a divorce you're probably going to lose the boat anyway. In my case I fell in love with the right woman but I needed to know if she was sea worthy. She had been on land yachts but not at sea. I rented a sailboat, took her on a four day cruise, she did great. Then coming back into Newport harbor on a Sunday afternoon, surrounded by boats coming and going, I asked her to take the wheel while I adjusted the sails. She did, and did it well, seemingly without fear. The next week I went ring shopping.
 
If anyone is going to participate, they must be a willing and enthusiastic participant.

Trying to appease her will be a constantly moving set of targets.

Get rid of her.

Begin now.
 
hmmm, 3 pages, 55 posts, and 2savage hasn't been back . . . I've been exceedingly lucky as my wife actually suggested buying another boat when Covid killed our business. The down side is she told me that if we ever get divorced, she's keeping the boat! :eek: She figures that with the boat, she can get all the boy toys she wants.

That's messed up :nonono:. . . . I'm making sure that I don't finish all the upgrades and repairs, so she'll still want to keep me around:D

Seriously, it sounds like 2savage is venting, I hope they figure things out before it goes irretrievably wrong.
 
Scot, LOL, so you are a kept man. Keep on maintaining her boat, it is working for you.
We all know that Laura will or has read this last post.


Wonder how many other couples both post and/or read TF.
 
Steve, I get down to the nuts and bolts of boating, Laura handles all the esoteric, nonessential "fluff"!:D
Any, by the way, yes, I am currently ducking. . . .
 
I'm genuinely happy when other people find happiness.

If this were a post about being diagnosed with cancer, would people so willingly jump in and brag about how they managed to live a healthy cancer free life?

Isn't that kind of the same when someone pours their heart out about potentially loosing some significant love in their life (whether it be the significant other, or the boat) to reply 'bragging' about you've found happiness with both??

It just seems odd to me.
 
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