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Old 12-15-2010, 12:01 PM   #1
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Mary and I repeatedly encounter couples where one is a knowledgeable cruiser and the other is a beginner.** How to balance the scale and get the novice at ease?* Will living and cruising aboard ever work when one of the parties is inexperienced or a tad uncertain how or if to proceed?*

The first step is to introduce boating gradually.* Charter a trawler together so you know whether it is something that might work before you make the plunge and acquire a new or used trawler or motor yacht together.* Go out on weekend cruises with acquaintances who own boats.* Is your mate secure?* The old saying is that you either love it or hate it.

Once you have made the decision to proceed with buying a boat, be sure your partner is involved in the purchase process.** Both of you must like*everything about the motor yacht or trawler you purchase.* Look at boats via the web and compose a catalog of what you like.* Compare notes to make certain you and your mate like the same things fundamentally.* If not, you will be selling it yet again in a few months.* We have experienced this time and again.* The engines and all systems will appeal to the man; the interior layout and design will appeal to the woman.** The man can love the engines and all the expensive electronic gear but if the bath or galley is not just right for the lady, you will not be purchasing that particular trawler.* If mama ain't happy, no one's happy.

Find a yacht broker that will perform as your buyer's broker.* An experienced broker will show you through the buying procedure and assist you in learning about your vessel following the purchase.

At this time you've invested in your dream vessel and have outfitted her with everything you require to cruise full time.** It's time to take her away from the pier.* But before starting the engines, formulate a plan.* Figure how you will move from the wharf and how you will drop the anchor.* How will you return to the dock?* Discuss this strategy with each other so everyone is aware his or her task.* This is where communication plays a crucial role.* Each party must be familiar with their role in this procedure.* Once you get away from the wharf, try* maneuvering in the open water.* Practice is the means to gaining confidencepractice your docking techniques also.* When your inexperienced partner feels self-assured, you've won the game.* After a few maneuvers, review what was done precisely and what needs further practice.* This is the key to having fun.* And don't be scared of making errors.* We have all been there.*

One mistake NOT to make is with regard to communication.* Yelling will get you nowhere.* It will stress your partner to the point where he or she will be prone to make errors or it will make them so annoyed they will throw up their hands and give up.** Yelling can be a sign of your own stress/anxiety which could be interpreted by your partner that you don't have a clue, thus stressing them out.* Try to talk calmly and in a normal tone.* If you do end up yelling at your mate, you'll want to apologize later; otherwise you might be sleeping on the fly bridge that night.

Relentless coaching can lead to problems too.* If you are trying to train your mate how to run the vessel, looking over his/her shoulder and coaching each minute can lead to worry.* The partner will start focusing on your condemnation rather than how they are operating the yacht.** As in all avenues of life, communication is the answer.* Oh, and when your novice mate does something correct, give them an ata-boy; works all the time.

If you are successful in getting your partner to enjoy a pleasurable day on the water, you can expect many new trips trying to duplicate that memory, I guarantee it.
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Old 12-15-2010, 12:22 PM   #2
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

So true about yelling, we see so many people who yell and flip about EVERYTHING.** Honestly, unless there is immentent danger of bodily harm, CALM DOWN!

My husband and I met at a yacht club and are on our fifth boat together (and I'm the one*with the account here!) so there is no quesiton whether or not I like boating.* Yet my husband usually drives and ALWAYS docks.* I know I need to learn how to dock, but I feel like he is REALLY into it and it is his "toy."* I feel like if there was an emergency I could get us into a slip or onto a dock.* It might not be perfect, but I know enough to do it.* What keeps me from doing it day to day?* One thing,* I don't think my husband knows where to put the fenders and lines!* Maybe I need to train him on that first and then start taking over docking from him!* LOL.*

We are VERY good about advanced planning, talking things through, not getting uptight and having FUN.* We don't flip about grazing the dock, fiberglass can be fixed.* We have seen more than one boat come charging in to the dock at full speed ahead and ride their bow up onto the dock.* That, that might upset me.* We are doing way better than that and we have confidence in each other!*

I definitely agree that positive reinforcement for what is done right is WAY more productive than pointing out every mistake!
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:07 PM   #3
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:
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I feel like if there was an emergency I could get us into a slip or onto a dock.
Pineapple Girl: *Definitely like your way of saying that. *But you have an important, rather uplifting point about the individual responsibilities. *I like the idea that you think you know better than he does about placement of fenders, because both jobs have risks, and often one can do one job better than the other. *Same with him. *I didn't think about it that way, but I look forward to making my Admiral the "Captain" of whatever she is doing. *She's a terrible driver on the road, and really doesn't have a lick of talent with machinery of any kind, but your point is well taken that there are "other" relationships with boats, and she may be better at those than I am.

Charles....we read "Honey Let's Get a Boat" a chapter at a time before bed while still living in Germany. *Despite the terror of it all, we rented 43 ft. diesel canal trawlers in the old GDR (East Germany) and found ourselves to be quick learners, and picked up locking, anchoring and handling of single engine designs faster and more skillfully than others we saw throughout our journeys. *These are areas where you really have to drive your boat every moment for long periods between lakes, and where height and width are really limited when going through underpasses and passing other boats in narrow areas. *In some areas, you're as likely to hit a cow as a sea wall. *We made a good team, although she insists that I made it easy for her. *We had lots of doubts after reading the book, but maybe the anxiety put us on our toes. *Some of the stuff that goes on in those locks, including side-swiping and direct collisions with side walls and gates, made us wonder if the rest of them should have read the book too.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:40 PM   #4
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Regarding "the Captain" (is that what you*guys refer to yourselves as, since we gals are "the admiral")*not knowing MY job on the boat...* We were sailing back from a cruise out back when we had our Catalina 320.* I have just brought in and stowed all the fenders and dock lines,*jumped the main halyard while he tailed it, gotten the main trimmed, unfurled the jib, trimmed it (to his satisfaction), put away the sail ties, and FINALLY had a chance to sit down in the cockpit.* He, from his spot behind the wheel, said "isn't sailing relaxing."**I replied, accompanied by a look of death, I assure you, "FOR YOU."*
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:42 PM   #5
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Really good, Pineapple girl. *Really good. LOL.
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:53 PM   #6
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

My situation has been a little different than ones above.* After 44 years, I lost my first mate who had cruised with me for thousands of miles.* She was a natural at handling the deck and keeping up with the paper charts as we went.* Cruised single handed or with family and friends on board fo awhile.* Then a new first mate joined me.

Since I already had the boat or boats in this case and she had never boated, the best way to introduce her into it had to be decided.* For our first cruise, I wanted and easy cruise with interesting places.* No great distances covered.* We went to Boca Grande for a couple of nights (10 mi).* It is still a great stop for us. Then an overnight at Cayo Costa at anchor (5 mi).* It was then to Cabbage Key (3 mi.).* Then to South Seas Resort on Captiva Island (8 mi).* We stayed there 3 nights.* Who would not like that?* Then to the St. Charles YC at Ft. Myers (15 mi).* Mileages are approximate here, but after all that the return trip was only about 40 miles.* She was hooked.* Now after about 7,000 miles of*cruising under her belt she still considers herself a novice.* She really is becoming a seasoned cruiser.* She is dying to get back to the Bahamas.

It may not work for everyone, but it worked for me.

-- Edited by Moonstruck on Wednesday 15th of December 2010 04:00:06 PM
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Old 12-15-2010, 02:54 PM   #7
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

To any and all who might try to introduce a novice to boating

The best thing I can add to all the other great information given is to eliminate as many of the fears the newbie might have, and there can be many. And the best way to do that is for the pair of you take the US Coast Guard Auxiliary Boating Safety and Seamanship course. Even if you have been there, done that, by taking it together, you can help answer questions as they occur, add further clarification, and most importantly, demonstrate your understanding of all that goes with boating. If the newbie has understanding of what's ahead, and how to deal with it, you will both be happier. I recommend the CG Aux course over any other, and be sure to take the full length version. Winter is a great time to get that done.
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Old 12-15-2010, 03:14 PM   #8
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:
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*I recommend the CG Aux course over any other, and be sure to take the full length version. Winter is a great time to get that done.
Carey, I couldn't agree with you more about taking the boating course.* If all that is available, take the abbreviated course.* If it is offered take the longer more involved course.* I think you may be selling the US Power Squadron coures short.* I have an advanced USPS grade, have been a certified instructor, and have passed the USCG Aux. test to be a vessel examiner.* I have not kept*those certifications up, because I spend my time cruising now.* I am here to testify that the USPS courses can prepare you for whatever cruising you might want to do.**

Not denigrating the USCG Aux* It is a fine organization.* I have taken some of*their courses.* Just to say that the USPS courses are certainly*worthy of taking.* In this area we work together on many projects.

Of course, my new first mate has participated in the Squadron.*

*
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Old 12-15-2010, 04:24 PM   #9
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

I concur with Don about the Power Squadron. Both the Aux and the Power Squadron offer extensive and excellent educational opportunities, what the Squadron offers is a more relaxed, less military environment and a more social boating club atmosphere. Since 9/11 the Aux has assumed a much increased patrol and surveillance mission for the USCG. The Power Squadron does no patrol and, at least out here in the PNW, shows very little evidence of military trappings.

Although I served on active duty as a commissioned officer in the Air Force and spent a large portion of my civilian career working with the military, my wife has zero knowledge of the military and, honestly, doesn't really comprehend anything about the military. She is much more comfortable in the Power Squadron environment. Both of us have taken a number of classes, have advanced grades and have served in elected offices with our local Squadron.

I really respect what the Aux does and know that their courses are equally excellent but the uniforms and the grades can be intimidating to the uninitated, especially those like my lovely bride.

One of the ways to get a partner to like boating is to introduce them to others who enjoy boating...we have accomplished this through our local Power Squadron and our local yacht club. Both of our local organizations provide low stress, supportive groups with other, like minded individuals.
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Old 12-15-2010, 04:30 PM   #10
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Perla is eager but has no boating experience.* Have planned*to enroll BOTH of us in a USCG or PS introductory boating class this winter and get her to read Chapman.





-- Edited by markpierce on Wednesday 15th of December 2010 06:13:04 PM
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Old 12-15-2010, 04:49 PM   #11
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:





-- Edited by Carey on Wednesday 15th of December 2010 06:02:12 PM
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Old 12-15-2010, 05:21 PM   #12
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

First of all, I want to appologize to MarineTrader.* I did not mean to high jack your thread.* It is a great disccussion I would like to see continue.

That being said, I know that "they" are out to get me, but "they" have been out to get me for so long that I no longer give "they" any thought.

I and my late first mate took both the Aux. and USPS basic public boating courses.* No, while the Aux. wore uniforms, I did not detect a militaristic attitude.* They were courteous and informative.* I have taught and been course chairman for the USPS boating course.* Basically, there was very little difference.* The main difference was that at USPS we had a live, hands on*fire extinguisher demonstration and an afternoon on the water.* There we demonstrated some of what we talked.* The Aux. course that I took did not do either, but may now.

Carey, I always recommend either course without reservation.* I make no distinction between the quality.* We are all trying to accomplish the same thing-----safer boating through education.* Long live both organizations.
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Old 12-15-2010, 06:14 PM   #13
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

I read an article some time ago about a newly wed couple that set out on his dream voyage to cross the Atlantic (I'm sure it was a sailboat) leaving from the East Coast.
The wife had little or no boating experience, but got caught up in his enthusiasm and agreed to go. No other crew.* About three weeks out, there was a mayday from a vessel some distance from the Azores.* Apparently not too long after being "out there" the husband (Captain) became increasingly intolerant of the wife's lack of seamanship and began ordering her*around with a great deal of belligerence and contempt, which eventually became outright hostility.* She became very fearful for her own safety and started to lock her self in the forward cabin.* One day she snuck out to the galley to get some food and he jumped her from behind and started beating her on the head with a wrench. She was able*to fend him off and get away up to the deck. When he came up after her she whacked him in the head with an oar from the dingy and*knocked him overboard.* The boat was already moving and rapidly moved away from him.* She did not go back to pick him up and his body was never found.* The gal did have the presence of mind to call*a*mayday on all channels and got a response from the Coast Guard who were able to talk her into finding her position and were able*to effect a rescue.* They were going to charge her with manslaughter until they saw the wounds on her head from the wrench and I guess his log had*become erratic,*and some his entries supported her story*so she was not charged.**
Is there a moral to the story** I don't know* you be the judge.*** KJ
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Old 12-15-2010, 06:27 PM   #14
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:
KJ wrote:

I read an article some time ago about a newly wed couple that set out on his dream voyage to cross the Atlantic (I'm sure it was a sailboat) leaving from the East Coast.
The wife had little or no boating experience, but got caught up in his enthusiasm and agreed to go. No other crew.* About three weeks out, there was a mayday from a vessel some distance from the Azores.* Apparently not too long after being "out there" the husband (Captain) became increasingly intolerant of the wife's lack of seamanship and began ordering her*around with a great deal of belligerence and contempt, which eventually became outright hostility.* She became very fearful for her own safety and started to lock her self in the forward cabin.* One day she snuck out to the galley to get some food and he jumped her from behind and started beating her on the head with a wrench. She was able*to fend him off and get away up to the deck. When he came up after her she whacked him in the head with an oar from the dingy and*knocked him overboard.* The boat was already moving and rapidly moved away from him.* She did not go back to pick him up and his body was never found.* The gal did have the presence of mind to call*a*mayday on all channels and got a response from the Coast Guard who were able to talk her into finding her position and were able*to effect a rescue.* They were going to charge her with manslaughter until they saw the wounds on her head from the wrench and I guess his log had*become erratic,*and some his entries supported her story*so she was not charged.**
Is there a moral to the story** I don't know* you be the judge.*** KJ
That's the kind of thing that has forced me to remain armed when in my wife's presence.

*
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:46 PM   #15
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:
KJ wrote:I don't know* you be the judge.*** KJ
Obviously, the guy didn't do something right!

*
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:51 PM   #16
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

markpierce wrote:

*

Perla is eager but has no boating experience.* Have planned*to enroll BOTH of us in a USCG or PS introductory boating class this winter and get her to read Chapman



Mark, that was pretty sneaky to do all that just to get a ship's "engineer".
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Old 12-16-2010, 03:42 AM   #17
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Most wives simply may look at a boat as another work station.

So my suggestion is to charter a canal boat in the Erie Canal.

A week of putting slowly thru nice countryside , many towns with great bakeries and resturants and free wi fi and docks should hook her!

No work , no cooking , internet contact and lots to see is fun.

Docking is alongside , and there is basically no current.

No shouting , no fear ,no nautical speak,* just a boat ride.

Best of all after a week on a nice boat 8 or 10 ft wide EVERY boat after that will seem spacious!

So it will be easy to get her aboard a nice 32 ft TT for $20K, no need for the million dollar 60 ft "home afloat".



-- Edited by FF on Thursday 16th of December 2010 04:43:28 AM
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Old 12-16-2010, 07:34 AM   #18
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

I was the boater; my wife was not.* I made the mistake of introducing her to cruising life.* She*made me buy a bigger boat!* She knows everybody at nearby West Marine stores by their first names. Now*I am in*as much a danger at boat shows as at the mall.* Help.
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Old 12-16-2010, 09:38 AM   #19
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RE: Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

Quote:
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*

I was the boater; my wife was not.* I made the mistake of introducing her to cruising life.* She*made me buy a bigger boat!* She knows everybody at nearby West Marine stores by their first names. Now*I am in*as much a danger at boat shows as at the mall.* Help.

*
I'm with you on that one. *I was a happy, and unattached to owning anything on the water. *Then I met my Admiral in Miami and she says "Well, are we going to do the Miami thing or not"? *I say: "What do you mean"? *She says: *"You know, buy a boat and stuff like that". *To which I say: "Uh, no thanks. *All my friends have boats and I already have to put in enough time fixing theirs....I sure don't want one for myself".

Slowly, I saw how much the water meant to her, and how she, herself, was expanded in the sea. *Well, you know the rest of the story.....all for the love of a woman. Now, I think I'm more excited about it than she is.

*
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Old 12-16-2010, 11:50 AM   #20
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Getting Your Partner to Like Boating

My wife was the one who convinced me to get a boat we could sleep on.
She is one who has the biggaboatdisease.
She is the one who NEVER gets mal de mer. I am the one who gets queasy in rough seas.
She is the one who can walk a straight line in beam seas. I am the one who holds on every step.
I fix the engine, paint the bottom, clean the bilge.
That is why she is the Admiral, and I'm a swabby.

-- Edited by jleonard on Thursday 16th of December 2010 12:50:51 PM
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