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Old 09-18-2016, 12:45 PM   #1
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Getting put on hold

Will still be following along the threads and learning all I can, but my boat plans and whole life is being put on hold for a year or so. I'm headed for the big D and don't mean Dallas, it's been coming but seems it is time now and I expect it to get nasty, but hope for her to be civilized since this is all her idea anyway. Long story short gonna be some changes to be made and until I figure it all out and see where I stand so I can come up with a plan of attack to adapt and over come the new situation it would be wise to put all my finical spending plans on hold.

Blah, Blah, Blah, now back to your regular scheduled programing!

I would like to eventually move closer to the coast somewhere to make it more convenient to boating, so depending how it all goes this may be an avenue to reach that goal. I am a long way from retirement though at only 44 so that brings challenges too, cant do it full time so I guess being 3 hours drive from the coast is not too bad for now.
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Old 09-18-2016, 01:41 PM   #2
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Sorry to hear about the divorce. You're very wise to put major decisions on hold for now.
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:02 PM   #3
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. None of 'em I've ever seen are pretty, or cheap.


Good luck. Lots of us who've been there before are with you in spirit.
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:07 PM   #4
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Greetings,
Mr. W. Whew, divorce. I thought you were talking about DEATH! Like kidney stones, this too will pass...
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Old 09-18-2016, 05:19 PM   #5
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Post some pics, maybe one of the younger guys on here will take her off your hands!
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Old 09-18-2016, 06:04 PM   #6
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Usually the outcome is a bigger boat and no compromises on the layout/galley. Life is good.
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Old 09-18-2016, 06:15 PM   #7
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Post some pics, maybe one of the younger guys on here will take her off your hands!
Obviously you've never been through the trauma of a divorce. As for me, the op has my sympathy's. Like others have said, been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

All I can add for the op is to say try and remember there WILL be light at the end of the tunnel no matter what you may be feeling now or in the near future. When one door closes another one opens and usually the new door opens and provides opportunities for bigger and brighter things in your life.

Hang in there!

.
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Old 09-18-2016, 07:06 PM   #8
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Wifey B: I so freaking hate the whole concept of divorce and till death do us part and such. Now, I do believe if one of the two doesn't want to still be together in a married like way, they should part. Just shouldn't be so ugly. Shouldn't be blame and fault. Shouldn't be guilt. Most definitely shouldn't be hate. I know this is a total off wall rant so far and I'll get there in a moment. The system is screwed up. The fact you have to involve court and lawyers and all that. The fact it sets you up to be adversaries when in reality you're both just trying to move on and forward. It forces you to air dirty laundry, to hurt someone you loved and still have feelings for. Why can't we just transition from in love and want to be married, from still love the other but don't want to be. Our vows said, "As long as it works for both of us." We hope and believe it's forever, but we've made promises to each other about what if it isn't. Sounds negative, but really can be a relief. I think every couple marrying should have a contract, much like pre-nuptials that spells out what happens, no questions asked.

I can't imagine how much it hurts. It's like death, because it's the death of something very important to you plus losing your best friend. Well, you don't have to lose your best friend. You know mediation doesn't let the two of you in the same room but just goes back and forth. Every ugly moment just hurts you both. Anyone getting divorced think of it as ending a contractual agreement with a person you love. Maybe it's impossible, but if two people could do that they'd both be so much better off and they'd still have that friend who knows them better than anyone.

Just our dream. I know the license and law isn't all going to change, but sure wish. If, and I hope to God it doesn't happen, but if hubby and I were to ever decide we wanted to consider being apart or with others or whatever but no longer married, how we do it is simple as we have an agreement on that.

To one going through it, my best wishes and hopes. Try to think of all the good there has been, not the bad there has been most recently. End of silly girl's rant.
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Old 09-18-2016, 07:12 PM   #9
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Well, when the split happened to me I followed my dream and became a full time liveaboard. If it is going to happen you need to look for the silver lining for your own sanity.
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Old 09-18-2016, 07:38 PM   #10
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Well, when the split happened to me I followed my dream and became a full time liveaboard. If it is going to happen you need to look for the silver lining for your own sanity.
Thats the way to look at the big life changes, like Divorce or loosing your loved one.

Look forward. Follow your dreams.
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Old 09-18-2016, 07:44 PM   #11
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Wifey B: I so freaking hate the whole concept of divorce and till death do us part and such. Now, I do believe if one of the two doesn't want to still be together in a married like way, they should part. Just shouldn't be so ugly. Shouldn't be blame and fault. Shouldn't be guilt. Most definitely shouldn't be hate. I know this is a total off wall rant so far and I'll get there in a moment. The system is screwed up. The fact you have to involve court and lawyers and all that. The fact it sets you up to be adversaries when in reality you're both just trying to move on and forward. It forces you to air dirty laundry, to hurt someone you loved and still have feelings for. Why can't we just transition from in love and want to be married, from still love the other but don't want to be. Our vows said, "As long as it works for both of us." We hope and believe it's forever, but we've made promises to each other about what if it isn't. Sounds negative, but really can be a relief. I think every couple marrying should have a contract, much like pre-nuptials that spells out what happens, no questions asked.

I can't imagine how much it hurts. It's like death, because it's the death of something very important to you plus losing your best friend. Well, you don't have to lose your best friend. You know mediation doesn't let the two of you in the same room but just goes back and forth. Every ugly moment just hurts you both. Anyone getting divorced think of it as ending a contractual agreement with a person you love. Maybe it's impossible, but if two people could do that they'd both be so much better off and they'd still have that friend who knows them better than anyone.

Just our dream. I know the license and law isn't all going to change, but sure wish. If, and I hope to God it doesn't happen, but if hubby and I were to ever decide we wanted to consider being apart or with others or whatever but no longer married, how we do it is simple as we have an agreement on that.

To one going through it, my best wishes and hopes. Try to think of all the good there has been, not the bad there has been most recently. End of silly girl's rant.
Because...money and hate.

Not two things that go well together.
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Old 09-18-2016, 07:57 PM   #12
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Thanks for the good thoughts!!

Without airing all my troubles lets just say i am always positive, i am in the "right" and have held to my core values of honesty and respect. I dont lie and dont cheat, but cant say the same for everyone I know or have known all I can do is stay true to myself and never waiver in my morals.

As for the been there done that crowd....well this will be my second t-shirt so at least I know things will get better after it is all done and over however it turns out. I may be stupid but still want to try and work it out, we have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids involved. 16, 9, and 5 so what is best for them is always first on my mind, I can swallow my pride and take a bullet if it benefits my kids.
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Old 09-18-2016, 08:10 PM   #13
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Thanks for the good thoughts!!

Without airing all my troubles lets just say i am always positive, i am in the "right" and have held to my core values of honesty and respect. I dont lie and dont cheat, but cant say the same for everyone I know or have known all I can do is stay true to myself and never waiver in my morals.

As for the been there done that crowd....well this will be my second t-shirt so at least I know things will get better after it is all done and over however it turns out. I may be stupid but still want to try and work it out, we have been married for 11 years and have 3 kids involved. 16, 9, and 5 so what is best for them is always first on my mind, I can swallow my pride and take a bullet if it benefits my kids.
Wifey B: You have to do what is right for you. I admire sticking to your core values. It doesn't always bring better results but it sure makes it easier to live with the results it brings.
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Old 09-18-2016, 08:28 PM   #14
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Thats the Marine in me, maintain your bearing no matter what, stay true to your core because you are stuck with yourself and have to live with your actions for all time. I have an absolutely clear conscious.
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Old 09-18-2016, 08:29 PM   #15
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Now just need a big boat to live with myself on!
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Old 09-18-2016, 10:12 PM   #16
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Greetings,
Mr. W. Whew, divorce. I thought you were talking about DEATH! Like kidney stones, this too will pass...
With similar pain. So saith the voice of experience.
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Old 09-19-2016, 02:22 PM   #17
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Hmm remember this is a public forum
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Old 09-19-2016, 04:43 PM   #18
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Hmm remember this is a public forum
And all information and comments are fair game to be used. Facebook comes into court cases often. One of the classics was a man posted, "I don't really want custody, I just don't want her to have it." Needless to say, she custody.
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Old 09-19-2016, 07:56 PM   #19
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Ahhh the benifits of having a good moral compass, I dont have to worry about what I say.
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Old 09-20-2016, 09:10 AM   #20
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When I entered the throes of divorce, I ended up following a dream and became a liveaboard- purchased a 3870 Bayliner and haven't looked back.

At the same time, I made a decision to never react emotionally, but to act in the best interests of our kids and always taking the high road. That decision served me well. Sorry to hear you are going thru this.
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