Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
 
Old 09-20-2016, 09:14 AM   #21
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 9,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pau Hana View Post
When I entered the throes of divorce, I ended up following a dream and became a liveaboard- purchased a 3870 Bayliner and haven't looked back.

At the same time, I made a decision to never react emotionally, but to act in the best interests of our kids and always taking the high road. That decision served me well. Sorry to hear you are going thru this.
There can be cordial and decent divorces, just few and far between. I applaud those who have them.
__________________
Advertisement

BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 09:59 AM   #22
Senior Member
 
sbu22's Avatar
 
City: New Orleans
Country: US
Vessel Name: Panache
Vessel Model: Viking 43 Double Cabin '76
Join Date: Mar 2011
Posts: 473
I've heard of that. Also heard of finding unicorns.
__________________

sbu22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 10:56 AM   #23
TF Site Team
 
ksanders's Avatar
 
City: SEWARD ALASKA
Country: USA
Vessel Name: LISAS WAY
Vessel Model: BAYLINER 4788
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,531
Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
There can be cordial and decent divorces, just few and far between. I applaud those who have them.
The problems seem to arise when one or both parties have unrealistic expectations, or want to use the system to "get even" with their soon to be ex.

What floors me is the guys that think that their stay at home or underemployed spouse deserves nothing because he was the one bring home a paycheck or the larger paycheck.

They seem to forget that the female was raising their kids, and or disrupted their education to raise children resulting in them not having the earning capability of their male counterpart.

We are fortunate. My wife makes as much or more than I do. This results in her having a feeling of equality and security. I hope she never boots me out, but if she does, we will both be just fine, and I'll be living on a very nice boat, while she will be secure living in a nice home.
__________________
Kevin Sanders
Bayliner 4788
Seward, Alaska
www.mvlisasway.com
ksanders is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 12:04 PM   #24
Guru
 
dhays's Avatar
 
City: Gig Harbor
Country: United States
Vessel Name: Kinship
Vessel Model: North Pacific 43
Join Date: May 2015
Posts: 3,379
Quote:
Originally Posted by ksanders View Post
We are fortunate. My wife makes as much or more than I do. This results in her having a feeling of equality and security. I hope she never boots me out, but if she does, we will both be just fine, and I'll be living on a very nice boat, while she will be secure living in a nice home.
Well, divorce is a huge financial hit for most families. While most TF members will be in the top 10% income range in the US, and therefore can more readily take the ~ 30% reduction in standard of living, not all are as fortunate. Divorce is a significant predictor for poverty for both children and the aged.

My own financial life would be irrevocably altered if my wife was to divorce me. Fortunately, for many reasons, she still hasn't come to her senses after 35 years.
__________________
Regards,

Dave
SPOT page
dhays is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 12:09 PM   #25
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 9,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhays View Post
Well, divorce is a huge financial hit for most families. While most TF members will be in the top 10% income range in the US, and therefore can more readily take the ~ 30% reduction in standard of living, not all are as fortunate. Divorce is a significant predictor for poverty for both children and the aged.

My own financial life would be irrevocably altered if my wife was to divorce me. Fortunately, for many reasons, she still hasn't come to her senses after 35 years.
Yes, and one reason it's so economically destructive is the structure. There's the immediate need to get separate homes and make separate living arrangements. Why can't couples just say, we no longer want to be married, but we'll share the home and continue to raise the kids here until one or the other of us gets in a relationship that says we can no longer share it.

But the way it works, you have two people going from supporting one household to supporting two. Mathematically that just doesn't work.
BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 02:19 PM   #26
Veteran Member
 
City: Brandon, MS
Country: United States
Vessel Model: 1986 Sea Ray Seville, 18.5'
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 46
We are doing just that, has been this way for a year now, she is in the master bdrm and I have the master suite since I will be keeping the house. The oldest has her own room and the little ones share a room. Once she can afford to move out she will, until then we are like room mates sorta, but the kids seem fine with the arrangement so I just deal for their sake.

Has its own challenges to be sure, but seems to benefit her and def the kids. I am in a hard spot since I am still paying everthing but her car and cell phone, not so fair but the kids are happy and I get meals cooked a few days a week at least.
Warwgn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 02:32 PM   #27
Guru
 
BandB's Avatar
 
City: Fort Lauderdale
Country: USA
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 9,938
Quote:
Originally Posted by Warwgn View Post
We are doing just that, has been this way for a year now, she is in the master bdrm and I have the master suite since I will be keeping the house. The oldest has her own room and the little ones share a room. Once she can afford to move out she will, until then we are like room mates sorta, but the kids seem fine with the arrangement so I just deal for their sake.

Has its own challenges to be sure, but seems to benefit her and def the kids. I am in a hard spot since I am still paying everthing but her car and cell phone, not so fair but the kids are happy and I get meals cooked a few days a week at least.
I applaud you both then. Not the best of circumstances but works until you have better. Yes, you're paying all the expenses there, but better than you paying for two homes right now. Often people rush from bad to worse instead of taking time to figure out how they are both going to be able to handle things financially.

The kids I'm sure don't like the divorce, but typically they've seen the disintegration and didn't like what the situation was before either. The parents can teach the kids a lot in these situations, either good or bad.
BandB is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 08:54 PM   #28
Senior Member
 
City: Portage
Country: USA
Vessel Model: Temporary between boats
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by BandB View Post
Yes, and one reason it's so economically destructive is the structure. There's the immediate need to get separate homes and make separate living arrangements.
Our divorce cost us $400 in Miami (simple dissolution). I was moving out of state for more interesting work, she wanted to stay, so she kept the house and I got the boat. Quite simple and almost completely painless. We even had a vacation together a year after the divorce. The children were finishing college at that time.
Lost Horizons is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 09:05 PM   #29
Senior Member
 
City: Portage
Country: USA
Vessel Model: Temporary between boats
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 101
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhays View Post
Well, divorce is a huge financial hit for most families. While most TF members will be in the top 10% income range in the US, and therefore can more readily take the ~ 30% reduction in standard of living,
For me it was at least 30% gain. Likely, more than 30.
Lost Horizons is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 09:58 PM   #30
Guru
 
O C Diver's Avatar
 
City: Fort Myers, FL... Summers in Crisfield, MD
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Slow Hand
Vessel Model: Cherubini Independence 45
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 4,164
They say divorce is so expensive because it's worth it. Been there, got the tee shirt, since remarried. Had a prenuptial agreement each time. The most upset person was my ex-wife's lawyer (no big pay day). Prenuptial agreement had us each responsible for our own legal fees and 50% of court costs.

Ted
__________________
I'm tired of fast moves, I've got a slow groove, on my mind.....
I want to spend some time, Not come and go in a heated rush.....
"Slow Hand" by The Pointer Sisters
O C Diver is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-23-2016, 10:17 PM   #31
TF Site Team
 
ksanders's Avatar
 
City: SEWARD ALASKA
Country: USA
Vessel Name: LISAS WAY
Vessel Model: BAYLINER 4788
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 3,531
Quote:
Originally Posted by dhays View Post
Well, divorce is a huge financial hit for most families. While most TF members will be in the top 10% income range in the US, and therefore can more readily take the ~ 30% reduction in standard of living, not all are as fortunate. Divorce is a significant predictor for poverty for both children and the aged.

My own financial life would be irrevocably altered if my wife was to divorce me. Fortunately, for many reasons, she still hasn't come to her senses after 35 years.
I completely agree that if you take 100% and divide it by 2 you will only end up with 50% or even less. Thats the reality.

A factor that mitigates that is if the couple is living a expensive lifestyle, and one of the parties would be quite happy with a much less expensive lifestyle, making for a very comfortable standard of living.

I will use myself as an example. Together my wife and I can run through a kings ransom every month on all the stuff "necessary" to "live". More than I ever imagined, and no we do not have any "payments" anymore. Just insurance costs me over $600 a month for the cars and the house. Not to mention everything else.

Myself, all I would need are my boat related expenses, and a little food. Possibly insurance on one of our vehicles. I'd probably cruise more so some boat fuel.

I did the math once and was shocked at how little monthly living expenses would be If I could bag the house and all it entails. Yes a house is an asset, but it is an asset that costs. Maintenance, upgrades, insurance, then insurance on all the vehicles, utilities, etc... It's not just the house, its all the stuff you buy that goes in the house. The list could go on forever.

I love my wife dearly. We have well over two decades of water under the bridge, but I am a realist that our "together" lifestyle is much more expensive than if it were just me living on my boat. A hell of a lot more than 50%
__________________
Kevin Sanders
Bayliner 4788
Seward, Alaska
www.mvlisasway.com
ksanders is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-27-2016, 11:56 AM   #32
Dauntless Award
 
Wxx3's Avatar
 
City: New York, NY
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Dauntless
Vessel Model: Kadey Krogen 42 - 148
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 1,977
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pau Hana View Post
When I entered the throes of divorce, I ended up following a dream and became a liveaboard- purchased a 3870 Bayliner and haven't looked back.

At the same time, I made a decision to never react emotionally, but to act in the best interests of our kids and always taking the high road. That decision served me well. Sorry to hear you are going thru this.
Yep. Well said.

As a friend said to me, Life Happens.

This too shall pass.
__________________
M/Y Dauntless, New York
a Kadey Krogen 42 Currently https://share.delorme.com/dauntless
Blog: https://dauntlessatsea.com
Find us: https://share.delorme.com/dauntless
Wxx3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2017, 09:45 PM   #33
Veteran Member
 
City: Brandon, MS
Country: United States
Vessel Model: 1986 Sea Ray Seville, 18.5'
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 46
All done, paper are final. I get the kids during the week and she gets them weekends. Has her own place now about 30 miles down the road, neither of us pay anything to the other and all seems to be ok for now. Still think she will go for money somehow after her tax return is blown.

Anyway, I have got that behind me mostly and workin on me now, but have side tracked any trawler plans by going all out on my first passion, motorcycles. The weekend after the papers were final I bought a new to me bike, a 2003 Kawasaki Concours 1000, it's a sport touring bike and have been riding it everyday to work and a few small trips. Getting it all geared up and myself so I can ride it up to Alaska next year.

I would go this year but have to finish building a car first by the end of the summer, my oldest daughter who is 16 wants to get a job and license so got to get her something to drive and she has her heart set on the 72 VW in my shop as her first car. So time to get back to work on it and make us both happy, it has a full roll cage so that makes me feel better turning her loose on the streets, plus only a 2 seater no AC and not very powerful so not a lot of friends will want to take her car when they go places.

The dream is still alive to get a trawler but just has to get in line and wait its turn.
Warwgn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-25-2017, 11:30 PM   #34
GFC
Guru
 
GFC's Avatar
 
City: Tri Cities, WA
Country: USA
Vessel Name: Beachcomber
Vessel Model: Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2,329
Yup, it passed and you're reasonably healthy on the outside now that it's behind you. Hug your kids a lot. You can't do that often enough. Don't try to be their friend, they just want you to be their dad.


Enjoy that new bike, but remember---there's old motorcycle riders and bold motorcycle riders, but there ain't never been an old, bold motorcycle rider....for long.
__________________

__________________
Mike and Tina
Beachcomber 1995 Sea Ray 550 Sedan Bridge
GFC is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off





All times are GMT -5. The time now is 08:25 AM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.8 Beta 4
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright 2006 - 2012