We seem to get posts now and then from folks wanting to buy a trawler and live aboard...frankly, a dream of mine at some point in life if things work out that way. *For now I will be happy part-time living aboard and spending many long weekends on the water. *I can identify with a lot of the stuff in this "Simulator" though, as I am sure most any experienced boater can. *Somehow though, it is all worth it.
So...here you go....
*
"The Liveaboard Simulato<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">r[/b]"*
Just for fun, park your cars in the lot of the convenience store*
at least 2 blocks from your house. (Make believe the sidewalk is a*
floating dock between your car and the house.*
Move yourself and your family (If applicable) into 2 bedrooms and 1*
bathroom. Measure the DECK space INSIDE your boat. Make sure the*
occupied house has no more space, or closet space, or drawer space.*
Boats don't have room for "beds", as such. Fold your Sealy*
Posturepedic up against a wall, it won't fit on a boat. Go to a hobby*
fabric store and buy a foam pad 5' 10" long and 4' wide AND NO MORE*
THAN 3" THICK. Cut it into a triangle so the little end is only 12"*
wide. This simulates the foam pad in the V-berth up in the pointy bow*
of the sailboat. Bring in the kitchen table from the kitchen you're*
not allowed to use. Put the pad UNDER the table, on the floor, so you*
can simulate the 3' of headroom over the pad.*
Block off both long sides of the pad, and the pointy end so you have*
to climb aboard the V-berth from the wide end where your pillows will*
be. The hull blocks off the sides of a V-berth and you have to climb*
up over the end of it through a narrow opening (hatch to main cabin)*
on a boat. You'll climb over your mate's head to go to the potty in*
the night. No fun for either party. Test her mettle and resolve by*
getting up this way right after you go to bed at night. There are lots*
of things to do on a boat and you'll forget at least one of them,*
thinking about it laying in bed, like "Did I remember to tie off the*
dingy better?" or "Is that spring line (at the dock) or anchor line*
(anchored out) as tight as it should be?" Boaters who don't worry*
about things like this laying in bed are soon aground or on*
fire or the laughing stock of an anchorage.... You need to find out*
how much climbing over her she will tolerate BEFORE you're stuck with*
a big boat and big marina bills and she refuses to sleep aboard it any*
more.....*
Bring a coleman stove into the bathroom and set it next to the*
bathroom sink. Your boat's sink is smaller, but we'll let you use the*
bathroom sink, anyways. Do all your cooking in the bathroom, WITHOUT*
using the bathroom power vent. If you have a boat vent, it'll be a*
useless 12v one that doesn't draw near the air your bathroom power*
vent draws to take away cooking odors. Leave the hall door open to*
simulate the open hatch. Take all the screens off your 2 bedroom's*
windows. Leave the windows open to let in the bugs that will invade*
your boat at dusk, and the flies attracted to the cooking.*
Borrow a 25 gallon drum mounted on a trailer. Flush your*
toilets into the drums. Trailer the drums to the convenience store to*
dump them when they get full. Turn off your sewer, you won't have*
one. This will simulate going to the "pump out station" every time the*
tiny drum is full. 25 gallons is actually LARGER than most holding*
tanks.*
They're more like 15 gallons on small sailboats under 40' because they*
were added to the boat after the law changed requiring them and there*
was no place to put it or a bigger one. They fill up really fast if*
you*liveaboard!*
Unless your boat is large enough to have a big "head" with full bath,*
make believe your showers/bathtubs don't work. Make a deal with*
someone next door to the convenience store to use THEIR bathroom for*
bathing at the OTHER end of the DOCK. (Marina rest room) If you use*
this rest room to potty, while you're there, make believe it has no*
paper towels or toilet paper. Bring your own. Bring your own soap*
and anything else you'd like to use there, too.*
If your boat HAS a shower in its little head, we'll let you use the*
shower end of the bathtub, but only as much tub as the boat has FREE*
shower space*
for standing to shower. As the boat's shower drains into a little pan*
in the bilge, be sure to leave the soapy shower water in the bottom of*
the tub for a few days before draining it. Boat shower sumps always*
smell like spent soap growing exotic living organisms science hasn't*
actually discovered or named, yet. Make sure your simulated V-berth is*
less than 3' from this soapy water for sleeping. The shower sump is*
under the passageway to the V-berth next to your pillows.*
Run you whole house through a 20 amp breaker to simulate available*
dock power at the marina. If you're thinking of anchoring out, turn*
off the main breaker and "make do" with a boat battery and*
flashlights. Don't forget you have to heat your house on this 20A*
supply and try to keep the water from freezing in winter.*
Turn off the water main valve in front of your house. Run a hose from*
your neighbor's lawn spigot over to your lawn spigot and get all your*
water from there. Try to keep the hose from freezing all winter.*
As your boat won't have a laundry, disconnect yours. Go to a boat*
supply place, like West Marine, and buy you a dock cart. Haul ALL*
your supplies, laundry, garbage, etc. between the car at the*
convenience store and house in this cart. Once a week, haul your*
outboard motor to the car, leave it a day then haul it back to the*
house, in the cart, to simulate "boat problems" that require "boat*
parts" to be removed/replaced on your "dock". If ANYTHING ever comes*
out of that cart between the convenience store and the house, put it*
in your garage and forget about it. (Simulates losing it over the*
side of the dock, where it sank in 23' of water and was dragged off by*
the current.)*
Each morning, about 5AM, have someone you don't know run a weedeater*
back and forth under your bedroom windows to simulate the fishermen*
leaving the marina to go fishing. Have him slam trunk lids, doors,*
blow car horns and bang some heavy pans together from 4AM to 5AM*
before lighting off the weedeater. (Simulates loading boats*
with booze and fishing gear and gas cans.) Once a week, have him bang*
the running weedeater into your bedroom wall to simulate the idiot who*
drove his boat into the one you're sleeping in because he was half*
asleep leaving the dock. Put a rope over a big hook in the ceiling*
over your "bed". Put a sheet of plywood under your pad with a place*
to hook a rope to one side or the other. Hook one end of the rope*
to the plywood hook and the other end out where he can pull on it.*
As soon as he shuts off the weedeater, have him pull hard 9 times*
on the rope to tilt your bed at least 30 degrees. (Simulates the wakes of*
the fishermen blasting off trying to beat each other to the fishing.)*
Anytime there is a storm in your area, have someone constantly pull on*
the rope. It's rough riding storms in the marina or anchored out! If your*
boat is a sailboat, install a big wire from the top of the tallest tree*
to your electrical ground in the house to simulate mast lightning strikes*
in the marina, or to give you the thought of potential lightning strikes.*
Each time you "go out", or think of going boating away from your*
marina, disconnect the neighbor's water hose, your electric wires, all*
the umbilicals your new boat will use to make life more bearable in*
the marina.*
Use bottled drinking water for 2 days for everything. Get one of those*
5 gallon jugs with the airpump on top from a bottled water company.*
This is your boat's "at sea" water system*<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">simulator[/b]. You'll learn to*
conserve water this way. Of course, not having the marina's AC power*
supply, you'll be lighting and all from a car battery, your only*
source of power. If you own or can borrow a generator, feel free to*
leave it running to provide AC power up to the limit of the generator.*
If you're thinking about a 30' sailboat, you won't have room for a*
generator so don't use it.*
Any extra family members must be sleeping on the settees in the main*
cabin or in the quarter berth under the cockpit....unless you intend*
to get a boat over 40-something feet with an aft cabin. Smaller boats*
have quarter berths. Cut a pad out of the same pad material that is no*
more than 2' wide by 6' long. Get a cardboard box from an appliance*
store that a SMALL refridgerator came in. Put the pad in the box, cut*
to fit, and make sure only one end of the box is open. The box can be*
no more than 2 feet above the pad. Quarter berths are really tight.*
Make them sleep in there, with little or no air circulation. That's*
what sleeping in a quarterberth is all about.*
Of course, to simulate sleeping anchored out for the weekend, no heat*
or air conditioning will be used and all windows will be open without*
screens so the bugs can get in.*
In the mornings, everybody gets up and goes out on the patio to enjoy*
the sunrise. Then, one person at a time goes back inside to dress,*
shave, clean themselves in the tiny cabin unless you're a family of*
nudists who don't mind looking at each other in the buff. You can't*
get dressed in the stinky little head with the door closed on a*
sailboat. Hell, there's barely room to bend over so you can sit on the*
commode. So, everyone will dress in the main cabin....one at a time.*
Boat tables are 2' x 4' and mounted next to the settee. There's no*
room for chairs in a boat. So, eat off a 2X4' space on that kitchen*
table you slept under while sitting on a couch (settee*<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">simulator[/b]). You*
can also go out with breakfast and sit on the patio (cockpit), if you*
like.*
Ok, breakfast is over. Crank up the lawnmower under the window for 2*
hours. It's time to recharge the batteries from last night's usage and*
to freeze the coldplate in the boat's icebox which runs off a*
compressor on the engine. Get everybody to clean up your little hovel.*
Don't forget to make the beds from ONE END ONLY. You can't get to the*
other 3 sides of a boat bed pad.*
All hands go outside and washdown the first fiberglass UPS truck that*
passes by. That's about how big the deck is on your 35' sailboat that*
needs to have the ocean cleaned off it daily or it'll turn the white*
fiberglass all brown like the UPS truck. Now, doesn't the UPS truck*
look nice like your main deck?*
Ok, we're going to need some food, do the laundry, buy some boat parts*
that failed because the manufacturer's bean counters got cheap and*
used plastics and the wife wants to "eat out, I'm fed up with cooking*
on the Coleman stove" today. Let's make believe we're not at home, but*
in some exotic port like Ft Lauderdale, today....on our cruise to Key*
West......Before "going ashore", plan on buying all the food you'll*
want to eat that will:*
A - Fit into the Coleman Cooler on the floor*
B - You can cook on the Coleman stove without an oven or all those*
fancy*
kitchen tools you don't have on the boat*
C - And will last you for 10 days, in case the wind drops and it takes*
more time than we planned at sea.*
Plan meals carefully in a boat. We can't buy more than we can STORE,*
either!*
You haven't washed clothes since you left home and everything is*
dirty. Even if it's not, pretend it is for the boater-away-from-home*
simulator.*Put all the clothes in your simulated boat in a huge*
dufflebag so we can take it to the LAUNDRY! Manny's Marina HAS a*
laundromat, but the hot water heater is busted (for the last 8 months)*
and Manny has "parts on order" for it.....saving Manny $$$$ on the*
electric bill! Don't forget to carry the big dufflebag with us on our*
"excursion". God that bag stinks, doesn't it?....PU!*
Of course, we came here by BOAT, so we don't have a car. Some nice*
marinas have a shuttle bus, but they're not a taxi. The shuttle bus*
will only go to West Marine or the tourist traps, so we'll be either*
taking the city bus, if there is one or taxi cabs or shopping at the*
marina store which has almost nothing to buy at enormous prices.*
Walk to the 7-11 store, where you have your car stored, but ignore the*
car.*
Make believe it isn't there. No one drove it to Ft Lauderdale for you.*
Use the payphone at the 7-11 and call a cab. Don't give the cab driver*
ANY instructions because in Ft Lauderdale you haven't the foggiest*
idea where West Marine is located or how to get there, unlike at home.*
We'll go to West Marine, first, because if we don't the "head" back on*
the boat won't be working for a week because little Suzy broke a valve*
in it trying to flush some paper towels. This is your MOST important*
project, today....that valve in the toilet!! After the cab drivers*
drives around for an hour looking for West Marine and asking his*
dispatcher how to get there. Don't forget to UNLOAD your stuff from*
the cab, including the dirty clothes in the dufflebag then go into*
West Marine and give the clerk a $100 bill, simulating the cost of*
toilet parts. Lexus parts are cheaper than toilet parts at West*
Marine. See for yourself! The valve she broke, the*
seals that will have to be replaced on the way into the valve will*
come to $100 easy. Tell the clerk you're using my*liveaboard simulator
and to take his girlfriend out to dinner on your $100 greenback. If*
you DO buy the boat, this'll come in handy when you DO need boat parts*
because he'll remember you for the great time his girlfriend gave him*
on your $100 tip.*
Hard-to-find boat parts will arrive in DAYS, not months like the rest*
of us. It's just a good political move while in simulation mode.*
Call another cab from West Marine's phone, saving 50c on payphone*
charges.*
Load the cab with all your stuff, toilet parts, DIRTY CLOTHES then*
tell the cabbie to take you to the laundromat so we can wash the*
stinky clothes in the trunk. The luxury marina's laundry in Ft*
Lauderdale has a broken hot water heater. They're working on it, the*
girl at the store counter, said, yesterday. Mentioning the $12/ft you*
paid to park the boat at their dock won't get the laundry working*
before we leave for Key West. Do your laundry in the laundromat the*
cabbie found for you. Just because noone speaks English in this*
neighborhood, don't worry. You'll be fine this time of day near noon.*
Call another cab to take us out of here to a supermarket. When you get*
there, resist the temptation to "load up" because your boat has*
limited storage and very limited refridgeration space (remember?*
Coleman Cooler).*
Buy from the list we made early this morning. Another package of*
cookies is OK. Leave one of the kids guarding the pile of clean*
laundry just inside the supermarket's front door....We learned our*
lesson and DIDN'T forget and leave it in the cab, again!*
Call another cab to take us back to the marina, loaded up with clean*
clothes and food and all-important boat parts. Isn't Ft Lauderdale*
beautiful from a cab? It's too late to go exploring, today. Maybe*
tomorrow.... Don't forget to tell the cab to go to the 7-11 (marina*
parking lot)....not your front door....cabs don't float well.*
Ok, haul all the stuff in the dock cart from the 7-11 store the two*
blocks to the "boat" bedroom. Wait 20 minutes before starting out for*
the house.*
This simulates waiting for someone to bring back a marina-owned dock*
cart from down the docks.....They always leave them outside their*
boats, until the marina "crew" get fed up with newbies like us asking*
why there aren't any carts and go down the docks to retrieve them.*
Put all the stuff away, food and clothes, in the tiny drawer space*
provided. Have a beer on the patio (cockpit) and watch the sunset.*
THIS is living!*
Now, disassemble the toilet in your bathroom, take out the wax ring*
under it and put it back. Reassemble the toilet. This completes the*
simulation of putting the new valve in the "head" on the boat. Uh, uh,*
NO POWERVENT!*
GET YOUR HAND OFF THAT SWITCH! The whole "boat" smells like the inside*
of the holding tank for hours after fixing the toilet in a real boat,*
too! Spray some Lysol if you got it....*
After getting up, tomorrow morning, from your "V-Berth", take the*
whole family out to breakfast by WALKING to the nearest restaurant,*
then take a cab to any local park or attraction you like. We're off*
today to see the sights of Ft Lauderdale.....before heading out to*
sea, again, to Key West.*
Take a cab back home after dinner out and go to bed, exhausted, on*
your little foam pad under the table.....*
Get up this morning and disconnect all hoses, electrical wires, etc.*
Get ready for "sea". Crank up the lawn mower under the open bedroom*
window for 4 hours while we motor out to find some wind. ONE*
responsible adult MUST be sitting on the hot patio all day, in shifts,*
"on watch" looking out for other boats, ships, etc. If you have a*
riding lawn mower, let the person "on watch" drive it around the yard*
all day to simulate driving the boat down the ICW in heavy traffic.*
About 2PM, turn off the engine and just have them sit on the mower*
"steering" it on the patio. We're under sail, now. Every hour or so,*
take everyone out in the yard with a big rope and have a tug-of-war to*
simulate the work involved with setting sail, changing sail, trimming*
sail. Make sure everyone gets all sweaty in the heat.*
Sailors working on sailboats are always all sweaty or we're not going*
anywhere fast! Do this all day, today, all night, tonight, all day,*
tomorrow, all night tomorrow night and all day the following day until*
5PM when you "arrive" at the next port you're going to. Make sure*
noone in the family leaves the confines of the little bedroom or the*
patio during our "trip". Make sure everyone conserves water, battery*
power, etc., things you'll want to conserve while being at sea on a*
trip somewhere. Everyone can go up to the 7-11 for an icecream as soon*
as we get the "boat" docked on day 3, the first time anyone has left*
the confines of the bedroom/patio in 3 days.*
Question - Was anyone suicidal during our simulated voyage? Keep an*
eye out for anyone with a problem being cooped up with other family*
members. If anyone is attacked, any major fights break out, any*
threats to throw the captain to the fish.....forget all about boats*
and buy a motorhome, instead.*
So...here you go....
*
"The Liveaboard Simulato<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">r[/b]"*
Just for fun, park your cars in the lot of the convenience store*
at least 2 blocks from your house. (Make believe the sidewalk is a*
floating dock between your car and the house.*
Move yourself and your family (If applicable) into 2 bedrooms and 1*
bathroom. Measure the DECK space INSIDE your boat. Make sure the*
occupied house has no more space, or closet space, or drawer space.*
Boats don't have room for "beds", as such. Fold your Sealy*
Posturepedic up against a wall, it won't fit on a boat. Go to a hobby*
fabric store and buy a foam pad 5' 10" long and 4' wide AND NO MORE*
THAN 3" THICK. Cut it into a triangle so the little end is only 12"*
wide. This simulates the foam pad in the V-berth up in the pointy bow*
of the sailboat. Bring in the kitchen table from the kitchen you're*
not allowed to use. Put the pad UNDER the table, on the floor, so you*
can simulate the 3' of headroom over the pad.*
Block off both long sides of the pad, and the pointy end so you have*
to climb aboard the V-berth from the wide end where your pillows will*
be. The hull blocks off the sides of a V-berth and you have to climb*
up over the end of it through a narrow opening (hatch to main cabin)*
on a boat. You'll climb over your mate's head to go to the potty in*
the night. No fun for either party. Test her mettle and resolve by*
getting up this way right after you go to bed at night. There are lots*
of things to do on a boat and you'll forget at least one of them,*
thinking about it laying in bed, like "Did I remember to tie off the*
dingy better?" or "Is that spring line (at the dock) or anchor line*
(anchored out) as tight as it should be?" Boaters who don't worry*
about things like this laying in bed are soon aground or on*
fire or the laughing stock of an anchorage.... You need to find out*
how much climbing over her she will tolerate BEFORE you're stuck with*
a big boat and big marina bills and she refuses to sleep aboard it any*
more.....*
Bring a coleman stove into the bathroom and set it next to the*
bathroom sink. Your boat's sink is smaller, but we'll let you use the*
bathroom sink, anyways. Do all your cooking in the bathroom, WITHOUT*
using the bathroom power vent. If you have a boat vent, it'll be a*
useless 12v one that doesn't draw near the air your bathroom power*
vent draws to take away cooking odors. Leave the hall door open to*
simulate the open hatch. Take all the screens off your 2 bedroom's*
windows. Leave the windows open to let in the bugs that will invade*
your boat at dusk, and the flies attracted to the cooking.*
Borrow a 25 gallon drum mounted on a trailer. Flush your*
toilets into the drums. Trailer the drums to the convenience store to*
dump them when they get full. Turn off your sewer, you won't have*
one. This will simulate going to the "pump out station" every time the*
tiny drum is full. 25 gallons is actually LARGER than most holding*
tanks.*
They're more like 15 gallons on small sailboats under 40' because they*
were added to the boat after the law changed requiring them and there*
was no place to put it or a bigger one. They fill up really fast if*
you*liveaboard!*
Unless your boat is large enough to have a big "head" with full bath,*
make believe your showers/bathtubs don't work. Make a deal with*
someone next door to the convenience store to use THEIR bathroom for*
bathing at the OTHER end of the DOCK. (Marina rest room) If you use*
this rest room to potty, while you're there, make believe it has no*
paper towels or toilet paper. Bring your own. Bring your own soap*
and anything else you'd like to use there, too.*
If your boat HAS a shower in its little head, we'll let you use the*
shower end of the bathtub, but only as much tub as the boat has FREE*
shower space*
for standing to shower. As the boat's shower drains into a little pan*
in the bilge, be sure to leave the soapy shower water in the bottom of*
the tub for a few days before draining it. Boat shower sumps always*
smell like spent soap growing exotic living organisms science hasn't*
actually discovered or named, yet. Make sure your simulated V-berth is*
less than 3' from this soapy water for sleeping. The shower sump is*
under the passageway to the V-berth next to your pillows.*
Run you whole house through a 20 amp breaker to simulate available*
dock power at the marina. If you're thinking of anchoring out, turn*
off the main breaker and "make do" with a boat battery and*
flashlights. Don't forget you have to heat your house on this 20A*
supply and try to keep the water from freezing in winter.*
Turn off the water main valve in front of your house. Run a hose from*
your neighbor's lawn spigot over to your lawn spigot and get all your*
water from there. Try to keep the hose from freezing all winter.*
As your boat won't have a laundry, disconnect yours. Go to a boat*
supply place, like West Marine, and buy you a dock cart. Haul ALL*
your supplies, laundry, garbage, etc. between the car at the*
convenience store and house in this cart. Once a week, haul your*
outboard motor to the car, leave it a day then haul it back to the*
house, in the cart, to simulate "boat problems" that require "boat*
parts" to be removed/replaced on your "dock". If ANYTHING ever comes*
out of that cart between the convenience store and the house, put it*
in your garage and forget about it. (Simulates losing it over the*
side of the dock, where it sank in 23' of water and was dragged off by*
the current.)*
Each morning, about 5AM, have someone you don't know run a weedeater*
back and forth under your bedroom windows to simulate the fishermen*
leaving the marina to go fishing. Have him slam trunk lids, doors,*
blow car horns and bang some heavy pans together from 4AM to 5AM*
before lighting off the weedeater. (Simulates loading boats*
with booze and fishing gear and gas cans.) Once a week, have him bang*
the running weedeater into your bedroom wall to simulate the idiot who*
drove his boat into the one you're sleeping in because he was half*
asleep leaving the dock. Put a rope over a big hook in the ceiling*
over your "bed". Put a sheet of plywood under your pad with a place*
to hook a rope to one side or the other. Hook one end of the rope*
to the plywood hook and the other end out where he can pull on it.*
As soon as he shuts off the weedeater, have him pull hard 9 times*
on the rope to tilt your bed at least 30 degrees. (Simulates the wakes of*
the fishermen blasting off trying to beat each other to the fishing.)*
Anytime there is a storm in your area, have someone constantly pull on*
the rope. It's rough riding storms in the marina or anchored out! If your*
boat is a sailboat, install a big wire from the top of the tallest tree*
to your electrical ground in the house to simulate mast lightning strikes*
in the marina, or to give you the thought of potential lightning strikes.*
Each time you "go out", or think of going boating away from your*
marina, disconnect the neighbor's water hose, your electric wires, all*
the umbilicals your new boat will use to make life more bearable in*
the marina.*
Use bottled drinking water for 2 days for everything. Get one of those*
5 gallon jugs with the airpump on top from a bottled water company.*
This is your boat's "at sea" water system*<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">simulator[/b]. You'll learn to*
conserve water this way. Of course, not having the marina's AC power*
supply, you'll be lighting and all from a car battery, your only*
source of power. If you own or can borrow a generator, feel free to*
leave it running to provide AC power up to the limit of the generator.*
If you're thinking about a 30' sailboat, you won't have room for a*
generator so don't use it.*
Any extra family members must be sleeping on the settees in the main*
cabin or in the quarter berth under the cockpit....unless you intend*
to get a boat over 40-something feet with an aft cabin. Smaller boats*
have quarter berths. Cut a pad out of the same pad material that is no*
more than 2' wide by 6' long. Get a cardboard box from an appliance*
store that a SMALL refridgerator came in. Put the pad in the box, cut*
to fit, and make sure only one end of the box is open. The box can be*
no more than 2 feet above the pad. Quarter berths are really tight.*
Make them sleep in there, with little or no air circulation. That's*
what sleeping in a quarterberth is all about.*
Of course, to simulate sleeping anchored out for the weekend, no heat*
or air conditioning will be used and all windows will be open without*
screens so the bugs can get in.*
In the mornings, everybody gets up and goes out on the patio to enjoy*
the sunrise. Then, one person at a time goes back inside to dress,*
shave, clean themselves in the tiny cabin unless you're a family of*
nudists who don't mind looking at each other in the buff. You can't*
get dressed in the stinky little head with the door closed on a*
sailboat. Hell, there's barely room to bend over so you can sit on the*
commode. So, everyone will dress in the main cabin....one at a time.*
Boat tables are 2' x 4' and mounted next to the settee. There's no*
room for chairs in a boat. So, eat off a 2X4' space on that kitchen*
table you slept under while sitting on a couch (settee*<strong style="color:#000000;background-color:#a0ffff;">simulator[/b]). You*
can also go out with breakfast and sit on the patio (cockpit), if you*
like.*
Ok, breakfast is over. Crank up the lawnmower under the window for 2*
hours. It's time to recharge the batteries from last night's usage and*
to freeze the coldplate in the boat's icebox which runs off a*
compressor on the engine. Get everybody to clean up your little hovel.*
Don't forget to make the beds from ONE END ONLY. You can't get to the*
other 3 sides of a boat bed pad.*
All hands go outside and washdown the first fiberglass UPS truck that*
passes by. That's about how big the deck is on your 35' sailboat that*
needs to have the ocean cleaned off it daily or it'll turn the white*
fiberglass all brown like the UPS truck. Now, doesn't the UPS truck*
look nice like your main deck?*
Ok, we're going to need some food, do the laundry, buy some boat parts*
that failed because the manufacturer's bean counters got cheap and*
used plastics and the wife wants to "eat out, I'm fed up with cooking*
on the Coleman stove" today. Let's make believe we're not at home, but*
in some exotic port like Ft Lauderdale, today....on our cruise to Key*
West......Before "going ashore", plan on buying all the food you'll*
want to eat that will:*
A - Fit into the Coleman Cooler on the floor*
B - You can cook on the Coleman stove without an oven or all those*
fancy*
kitchen tools you don't have on the boat*
C - And will last you for 10 days, in case the wind drops and it takes*
more time than we planned at sea.*
Plan meals carefully in a boat. We can't buy more than we can STORE,*
either!*
You haven't washed clothes since you left home and everything is*
dirty. Even if it's not, pretend it is for the boater-away-from-home*
simulator.*Put all the clothes in your simulated boat in a huge*
dufflebag so we can take it to the LAUNDRY! Manny's Marina HAS a*
laundromat, but the hot water heater is busted (for the last 8 months)*
and Manny has "parts on order" for it.....saving Manny $$$$ on the*
electric bill! Don't forget to carry the big dufflebag with us on our*
"excursion". God that bag stinks, doesn't it?....PU!*
Of course, we came here by BOAT, so we don't have a car. Some nice*
marinas have a shuttle bus, but they're not a taxi. The shuttle bus*
will only go to West Marine or the tourist traps, so we'll be either*
taking the city bus, if there is one or taxi cabs or shopping at the*
marina store which has almost nothing to buy at enormous prices.*
Walk to the 7-11 store, where you have your car stored, but ignore the*
car.*
Make believe it isn't there. No one drove it to Ft Lauderdale for you.*
Use the payphone at the 7-11 and call a cab. Don't give the cab driver*
ANY instructions because in Ft Lauderdale you haven't the foggiest*
idea where West Marine is located or how to get there, unlike at home.*
We'll go to West Marine, first, because if we don't the "head" back on*
the boat won't be working for a week because little Suzy broke a valve*
in it trying to flush some paper towels. This is your MOST important*
project, today....that valve in the toilet!! After the cab drivers*
drives around for an hour looking for West Marine and asking his*
dispatcher how to get there. Don't forget to UNLOAD your stuff from*
the cab, including the dirty clothes in the dufflebag then go into*
West Marine and give the clerk a $100 bill, simulating the cost of*
toilet parts. Lexus parts are cheaper than toilet parts at West*
Marine. See for yourself! The valve she broke, the*
seals that will have to be replaced on the way into the valve will*
come to $100 easy. Tell the clerk you're using my*liveaboard simulator
and to take his girlfriend out to dinner on your $100 greenback. If*
you DO buy the boat, this'll come in handy when you DO need boat parts*
because he'll remember you for the great time his girlfriend gave him*
on your $100 tip.*
Hard-to-find boat parts will arrive in DAYS, not months like the rest*
of us. It's just a good political move while in simulation mode.*
Call another cab from West Marine's phone, saving 50c on payphone*
charges.*
Load the cab with all your stuff, toilet parts, DIRTY CLOTHES then*
tell the cabbie to take you to the laundromat so we can wash the*
stinky clothes in the trunk. The luxury marina's laundry in Ft*
Lauderdale has a broken hot water heater. They're working on it, the*
girl at the store counter, said, yesterday. Mentioning the $12/ft you*
paid to park the boat at their dock won't get the laundry working*
before we leave for Key West. Do your laundry in the laundromat the*
cabbie found for you. Just because noone speaks English in this*
neighborhood, don't worry. You'll be fine this time of day near noon.*
Call another cab to take us out of here to a supermarket. When you get*
there, resist the temptation to "load up" because your boat has*
limited storage and very limited refridgeration space (remember?*
Coleman Cooler).*
Buy from the list we made early this morning. Another package of*
cookies is OK. Leave one of the kids guarding the pile of clean*
laundry just inside the supermarket's front door....We learned our*
lesson and DIDN'T forget and leave it in the cab, again!*
Call another cab to take us back to the marina, loaded up with clean*
clothes and food and all-important boat parts. Isn't Ft Lauderdale*
beautiful from a cab? It's too late to go exploring, today. Maybe*
tomorrow.... Don't forget to tell the cab to go to the 7-11 (marina*
parking lot)....not your front door....cabs don't float well.*
Ok, haul all the stuff in the dock cart from the 7-11 store the two*
blocks to the "boat" bedroom. Wait 20 minutes before starting out for*
the house.*
This simulates waiting for someone to bring back a marina-owned dock*
cart from down the docks.....They always leave them outside their*
boats, until the marina "crew" get fed up with newbies like us asking*
why there aren't any carts and go down the docks to retrieve them.*
Put all the stuff away, food and clothes, in the tiny drawer space*
provided. Have a beer on the patio (cockpit) and watch the sunset.*
THIS is living!*
Now, disassemble the toilet in your bathroom, take out the wax ring*
under it and put it back. Reassemble the toilet. This completes the*
simulation of putting the new valve in the "head" on the boat. Uh, uh,*
NO POWERVENT!*
GET YOUR HAND OFF THAT SWITCH! The whole "boat" smells like the inside*
of the holding tank for hours after fixing the toilet in a real boat,*
too! Spray some Lysol if you got it....*
After getting up, tomorrow morning, from your "V-Berth", take the*
whole family out to breakfast by WALKING to the nearest restaurant,*
then take a cab to any local park or attraction you like. We're off*
today to see the sights of Ft Lauderdale.....before heading out to*
sea, again, to Key West.*
Take a cab back home after dinner out and go to bed, exhausted, on*
your little foam pad under the table.....*
Get up this morning and disconnect all hoses, electrical wires, etc.*
Get ready for "sea". Crank up the lawn mower under the open bedroom*
window for 4 hours while we motor out to find some wind. ONE*
responsible adult MUST be sitting on the hot patio all day, in shifts,*
"on watch" looking out for other boats, ships, etc. If you have a*
riding lawn mower, let the person "on watch" drive it around the yard*
all day to simulate driving the boat down the ICW in heavy traffic.*
About 2PM, turn off the engine and just have them sit on the mower*
"steering" it on the patio. We're under sail, now. Every hour or so,*
take everyone out in the yard with a big rope and have a tug-of-war to*
simulate the work involved with setting sail, changing sail, trimming*
sail. Make sure everyone gets all sweaty in the heat.*
Sailors working on sailboats are always all sweaty or we're not going*
anywhere fast! Do this all day, today, all night, tonight, all day,*
tomorrow, all night tomorrow night and all day the following day until*
5PM when you "arrive" at the next port you're going to. Make sure*
noone in the family leaves the confines of the little bedroom or the*
patio during our "trip". Make sure everyone conserves water, battery*
power, etc., things you'll want to conserve while being at sea on a*
trip somewhere. Everyone can go up to the 7-11 for an icecream as soon*
as we get the "boat" docked on day 3, the first time anyone has left*
the confines of the bedroom/patio in 3 days.*
Question - Was anyone suicidal during our simulated voyage? Keep an*
eye out for anyone with a problem being cooped up with other family*
members. If anyone is attacked, any major fights break out, any*
threats to throw the captain to the fish.....forget all about boats*
and buy a motorhome, instead.*
